I texted my ex before his wedding.
I texted my ex before his wedding.
1-800-Bridesmaid
📞 Hello? Hi. It’s me, Jen Glantz. Welcome to the 1-800-Bridesmaid, by Bridesmaid for Hire. A place where real stories are shared and your best advice is given.
This week: We rarely follow up with people who write into the hotline but this week I did. I reached out to Shelby and asked what she decided to do. Spoiler alert: she ignored your advice.
Last week: Shelby’s ex-boyfriend is getting married next week and she wants to text him. Here’s the advice everyone tried to give her.
Hold please:
Dear 1-800-Bridesmaid,
Yes, I texted Jake. I read every single comment that people left me and I appreciated their advice. Mostly everyone said: don’t text him. move on. get therapy. leave him alone.
And I knew that they were right. It was all good advice. I’d 10000% give that advice to my own friends if they were in this situation.
But it’s me. Hi, I’m the one in this situation and I’m sorry but I had to text him
I could not let the wedding happen without trying to get closure or at least letting him know that I’m still here, thinking about him, and what could have been with us.
So two days before he got married, I sent him this:
Jake, I know the wedding is soon, and I wanted to say that I am happy for you. But I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you there’s more I want to say too.
I thought I had struck the right balance - friendly, mature, and not too emotional. But Jake's response quickly brought me back to reality:
Hey, Shelby. Thanks for the message. We had some good times but I’ve moved on and I am happy now. Unlike you, I don’t have more to say. Take care.
His words were like a bucket of cold water.
I feel embarrassed and a little heartbroken all over again. I realize now that I was holding onto this fantasy that my message might rekindle something, or at least open the door to a friendship. Instead, it just reinforced that our chapter is well and truly closed.
I know I need to focus on truly moving forward now. No more Instagram stalking, no more entertaining "what ifs." It's time to accept that Jake is happy in his new life, or at least he’s trying to be, and I need to build my own happiness that doesn't involve him.
To anyone in a similar situation: learn from my mistake. Sometimes, the kindest thing you can do for yourself is to leave the past where it belongs. Closure doesn't come from an external source - it's something you have to find within yourself. If he wanted to be with me, he would. A text message wasn’t going to be his wake up call. It surely was mine though. Sometimes leaving the past in the past is the best thing you can do for yourself.
-Shelby
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Dear Shelby,
If it is beneficial to you, I offer my empathy and support. This is a supremely hard experience. For whatever value it may have for you, I mourn with you.
I wish you love and fulfillment.
Fond Regards,
Eva
Hey Shelby,
I read this week and last week's articles and want to give you a hug.
But you are right in your last paragraph. I learned that sometimes we don't get closure, but we move forward anyways. I relate to this, because I had to cut a lot of people out and yup what you said. I don't look on their social media. I don't try to re-open doors that are closed. I don't wonder what they are up to. I've built happiness with new people. For my own good, I detached from people that made it clear I or my friendship wasn't important to them.
You said it best. Sometimes leaving the past in the past is the best thing you can do for yourself.
You got this.
Your Bridesmaid Bestie Alesha