Are We Even Best Friends?
1-800-Bridesmaids
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📞 Hello? Hi. It’s me, Jen Glantz. Welcome to the 1-800-Bridesmaid, by Bridesmaid for Hire. A place where real stories are shared and your best advice is given.
This week: The caller wants to know if it’s weird that her friend of 20 years didn’t ask her to be her bridesmaid.
Last week: A caller is still regretting her wedding years later. Here’s what you told her to do about it.
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Dear 1-800-Bridesmaid,
Is it weird that my best friend of 20 years didn’t make me a bridesmaid?
We've been friends since we were 7 and 8. Through elementary, high school, our first jobs together - she's like my sister. I actually set her up with her fiancé in high school. He was in one of my classes and I intro’ed him to my friend.
Me and him don't see eye to eye on a lot. We have different views on life, politics, and etc. I don’t start drama with him but sometimes he initiates it with me.
Regardless, me and her have been inseparable since we were young. We've been there for each other through everything - every breakup, every family drama, every major life moment. When either of us needed someone at 3 AM, we were there for each other without question.
Do I have a right to be upset or should I just suck it up?
What hurts the most is five years ago, when she was starting to talk about getting engaged, she kept saying how I've been her rock through everything and how grateful she was to have me in her life.
She even said "I can't imagine my big day without you by my side!"
And now I'm not even in the bridal party?
I found out through her cousin who texted me asking what color dress I was wearing as a bridesmaid, and I had to tell her I wasn't one. There's honestly so much more I could share but it's literally 20 years of friendship - at this point it would be a book. This just kinda sums it up.
Help!
-Madison
Have something else to share? Leave Madison a comment here:
What the professional has to say:
To help Madison out, I asked a few therapists to share advice on what she should do. If you’re in a similar situation, or know someone who is, here’s professional advice:
It’s Painful, But Still Support Your Friend
Although it can be painful to be left out of a friend's bridal party, particularly if the friendship holds special meaning for you, it's vital to keep in mind that a bridal party frequently reflects personal and logistical decisions that aren't necessarily about how much you're valued; constraints on numbers or family expectations are frequently at play.
To handle the feelings, acknowledge your emotions—hurt, disappointment, or confusion—without letting them cloud your friendship. Focus on the bigger picture: you’re still part of their special day, and your friendship matters beyond this one event. If it feels appropriate, you can share your feelings in a calm and supportive way, saying something like, “I value our friendship deeply and will always be here to support you, even if I’m not standing next to you on your big day.”
To move forward, look for ways to be involved in the wedding outside of the bridal party, like helping with planning or being part of pre-wedding events. Shifting the focus to how you can support your friend will help reinforce your bond and keep the friendship strong.
-Veronica West, Founder of My Thriving Mind
It’s OK to Say Something About It
Not being invited to a crucial event can stir feelings of disappointment, insecurity, or rage, especially with the people you value. Often, these emotions stem from feeling ignored or unappreciated. It is through self-reflection that you become more acquainted with your feelings like exclusion. Upon recognizing exclusion, it is equally important to acknowledge and give importance to daunting feelings such as disappointment, resentment, or anger. Self-narratives that justify the emotions allow for self-acceptance. Further, exclusion, whether intentional or not, leads to self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy which brings forth internal conflicts. Talking to someone trusted allows for healthier coping mechanisms while self-acceptance manifests through compassion during the turmoil of being excluded. Self-acceptance through compassion permits positive self-narratives and stronger mental health as it decreases feelings of bitterness and resentment.
Preserving interpersonal relations requires both empathy of how you address your feelings alongside communication. If it makes you comfortable, it is advisable to talk to people involved openly while discussing without making accusations. Constructive self-talk such as, “I felt hurt when I wasn't included, and I wanted to understand why” invites the opportunity for resolution and consequently the already fragile interpersonal bond becomes stronger. As far as maintaining self-compassion and acceptance, people need to focus on their emotions and interpersonal relationships positively so they can be productive in the future without worries.
-Dr. Sanders, Clinical Psychologist
What’s new with Bridesmaid for Hire:
Jen Glantz here! I’m so grateful you’re here. I started 1-800-Bridesmaid as a way to bring you into the world of my life as a hired bridesmaid for strangers.
If you’re wondering what I’ve been up to lately, here’s a little preview:
A lot of you are reaching out to see if we are still hiring. Yes, but at the moment, there aren’t any open positions. I’ll keep you posted inside the newsletter when open positions to work weddings pop up.
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