💔Can Being a Bridesmaid Fix a Friendship? (Part 1)
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📞 Hello? Hi. It’s me, Jen Glantz. Welcome to the Bridesmaid for Hire Hotline. A place where real stories are shared and your best advice is given.
This week: Part 1 of 2: How being a bridesmaid can make or break friendships.👇
Last week: A first-time bridesmaid asked the hotline what the role is like. We polled the audience here and 66% of people have been a bridesmaid before and 34% of people said the role is always different. I found it so interesting that 52% of people said that their friendship with the bride wasn’t the same after the wedding was over.
Hold please:
💔Can Being a Bridesmaid Fix a Friendship?
Jen Glantz here.
Last week, I was back home in Boca Raton, Florida, visiting my parents. I grabbed coffee with a friend of mine whom I haven't seen in a while.
"Guess who I bumped into the other day," she asked me.
I uncrumpled a list of our mutual friends in my head. It was too long. This friend and I had grown up together. We went to all the same schools our entire life — even college. We knew hundreds of the same people.
I didn't even bother to guess. "I honestly have no idea!"
"Liza!"
"Liza?"
"Whatever happened with you and Liza?" she asked, letting her curiosity crawl out from behind her teeth.
It took time to process the name. I knew who Liza was. I knew her very well. I just haven't heard her name in a very long time.
"You two were best friends."
"Yeah, I know."
"What exactly happened?"
Telling the story of a friendship is like trying to put together a puzzle with missing pieces. You only know your side of the story, and your side matters, but not to the person listening. They want the full picture, they want all the details, they want a second side.
So when people want to know why a friendship fell apart, it's easier to just state the facts.
"Liza got married, and I was her bridesmaid," I explained.
"And?"
"The wedding ended, and so did our friendship."
Liza and I met our freshman year in college. We quickly became best friends because we had everything in common — our style, sense of humor, hobbies, and clubs. We lived in the same dorm and spent almost every day together for the first three years of college. I had never had a best friend like Liza. To be honest, I never had a best friend before Liza. I was extremely shy growing up, incredibly awkward, and I went to a small school from K-8th with only 30 people in my entire grade. I was the odd one always left out. I left that small school and went to a big high school, and that's when I started feeling comfortable in my own skin. I made some good friends, but none of them were best friends.
Liza and I just seemed to click. We could talk about anything for hours. She never judged me or made fun of me. We never had a single fight.
Until Kara came into the picture.
Liza was dating Mark (her high-school sweetheart). Our junior year of college, Mark's best friend started dating Kara. I was single, but it didn't really matter. We all hung out as a big group, and they never made me feel like a third wheel.
But when Kara joined the group, she made it her goal to push me out of Liza's life. I know this because Mark told me. Mark even tried to tell Liza that Kara was clinging onto her and was a bit of a mean girl. Liza didn't listen. She just wanted to be inclusive and was excited to have a new friend in the group.
Kara would put me down in front of everyone, make fun of me often, and would tell Liza not to invite me when the two of them would go out shopping.
Friendships usually don't fall apart overnight. They rot slowly, and all of a sudden, they have an expiration date that nobody can seem to find.
I held onto this friendship for three more years, even when there was nothing for me to hold onto.
I went from seeing Liza every day to once a week, then once a month, and then, after college, when we both moved to New York City and lived ten blocks from each other, I saw her once a year.
Once a year.
I'll never know what made Liza fall under Kara's spell, but she fell hard. She did whatever Kara wanted her to do, including not being my friend.
During our once-a-year hangout, Liza handed me a box.
"I have some news," she said nervously.
I grabbed the box and started to open it.
"Mark and I are engaged!"
"Oh my god, Liza! This is amazing." I put the box down and gave her a big hug.
"And I know we haven't been very close lately, but I want you to be my bridesmaid.”
My eyes grew. I was hurt by how Liza pushed me aside over the years. I was exhausted from trying to keep our friendship alive. So I was shocked when she said this. But even more shocked by what she said next.
“I really think it will help fix our friendship."
I didn't pick the box back up.
I wanted to ask her right then and there about our broken friendship. I wanted her side of the story. I wanted to know why it was splintered, how it became so rough. But right before I went to ask her this, she picked up the box and placed it in my hands.
"Open this!"
Inside the box was a stack of photos and a handwritten note. Going through it all was like playing a movie trailer of the early days of our friendship. It made me feel so sad that two people could go from best friends to practically strangers.
I had been a bridesmaid many times before. I knew it wasn’t magic. I knew it wouldn’t fix what was so broken in our friendship. So I didn’t yes.
I closed the box and asked her one more question before getting up to leave?
“Who is your maid of honor?”
“It was really hard to decide,” she said.
I knew what she was about to say but I wanted her to say it anyway.
“Kara.”
“Of course,” I replied, picking up the box and giving her a hug. “I’ll see you soon.”
Days later, I grab my ringing phone. Liza was calling me. Liza never calls me — anymore.
“Hello?” I answered.
“You never told me if you are going to be my bridesmaid or not.”
“Oh, I guess I didn’t respond.”
“You didn’t and I just think it could be good for us. We could make some fun memories again and hang out.”
I wanted to remind Liza that we live down the street from each other. That we could hang out and create fun memories together literally anytime. That being her bridesmaid felt forced. I wanted to tell her that I wouldn’t say yes or no until she explained to me why our friendship felt like a pile of dust.
“Jen, are you still there?”
But I didn’t want to ruin her wedding. I didn’t want to make this special moment about me.
I fought with myself over how to answer this question.
I wondered if maybe she was right. Maybe this would fix our friendship.
It was all too much and so, instead, I finally gave her answer. One that would ultimately break our friendship even more.
I’ll tell you next week. Stay tuned for part two.
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Sparkle Heels. I adore these and they are on sale!
Studded Heels. Keeping these on all summer.
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Wooden Bead Handbag: A fun purse for spring or summer, and it’s under $100!
Platform Slide Sandal: This gold pair is great for spring and summer.
Ballet Flats: These are making a comeback!
Heart Toggle Necklace: I like to wear this necklace with a simple dress or blouse.
Black Clutch: This clutch dresses up any outfit.
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Mule Sandal: This brand has the best shoes under $100.
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A rom-com book for your nightstand
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