I am 40 years old and have been on almost every side of this. I have probably attended well over 75 weddings in my life and of those have been a bridesmaid around 10 times, including a maid of honor 3 times in one year! I got married myself 5 years ago and thus feel like i know it from all angles. It truly does depend on the wedding given the bride herself (her personality, wants, desires, etc..) the type of people in the bridal party - (how much everything will cost, drama etc.) Also depends on your own personality - I personally love LOVE and love a good party, so weddings are always fun for me regardless if I am a guest or a bridesmaid I have literally been to a wedding of a co-worker where I only knew a few other people and they all left very early on in the reception, but I ended up partying on with other guests all through the wedding and after party.
I also love being a bridesmaid for the same reasons you mentioned about having time to actually gather with my close girlfriends, party and let loose since we are all so spread out and busy. I think you just need to go into the whole experience with an open mind - knowing there may be drama and willing to help your friend the bride as much as you are able (given your own financial and time constraints - plus your own mental health if things get cray cray)
In my honest experience and opinion, just go into accepting that you’re probably going to feel invisible, and accept that , let that sit well with you , you’re an accessory to the bride and that’s okay , bring your most lighthearted- fun loving self and be ready for drama and issues to arrive and ready to do your very best to help solve them … I truly
Believe it’s all about the attitude going into a commitment with a situation like such. And remember they aren’t called brides - MAIDS for no reason. And if that position doesn’t make you feel some kind of resentment… then you’re going to have a blast and enjoy helping your friend celebrate her day … and don’t forget it’s the Grooms day also ! 💕
Holland! Such an interesting and true take on being a bridesmaid. Even though it seems like so much attention is on you (walking down the aisle, wearing the dress, etc.) you really can feel invisible.
Keep your boundaries! Know when an ask is going to drain you monetarily, emotionally, energy-wise or take up too much of your time (like half a week of pto right before labor day weekend). I've been a bridesmaid a few times, and it's always a different vibe with each person/family/group. Just don't get to the point where your sanity is being questioned or you have one more errand you're asked to do (aside from the day of the wedding) that's going to stress you out.
Congrats to your best friend! Hopefully you like or already know some of the people that she chooses for her bridal party. Even if not, NO WORRIES! The best idea is to come to the group with the attitude that everyone is there to give the happy couple their best day. As you noted, that may not be the case, but don't assume and be as low maintenance as possible. The day is to be helpful to your bestie and the aesthetic they're going for, not to complain or add to any issues. I've found this works for weddings for friends I've had over a decade and couples I met 2 months before their wedding and was invited to join the bridal party.
I had to think about this one for a bit. If you wanna skip the story & go to paragraph 4 that's cool, but I tie it in towards the end. Expect typos, I'm sorta sleepy writing this.
My story? I started watching get people get hitched in school. Like 20 somethings. I got invited to several friends weddings then, not bridesmaid quite yet. To me, getting married in college was like leaving the party at 10pm, but teach is on! I used to wonder what was behind some of my college friends' decisions to pick some of their bridesmaids at the time. I just figure hey we wasn't as close like I thought, all good. I also wrote some articles on what to do if you don't get invited to a wedding. I also found out some people are not the people I thought they were. Many loved my advice on wedding invites.
I went through a period of cutting a lot of people from my school years out of my life. I hope they are happy but I realized they wasn't good for me. I'm better off without them and I found they wasn't worth my time or energy. Literally for my own good I stopped caring. I got new circles that I keep on the down low to this day-I got influencer circles because I grew my YouTube channel, acting, musician and entrepreneur circles. My family is ginormous too. This also means more weddings and more opportunities to be a bridesmaid.
You know how you wanted something for so long, then after you get it, you're like what have I done? Lol. I started to get invited to a lot of weddings, and being asked to be a bridesmaid for others. (I had to turn down a few, because I have a lot of chronic illnesses and I was having surgeries for a couple of dates). I have experienced several sides, but I'm not getting married so my lens is the proud singleton wing woman perspective.
My advice? It's not about you, it's about the couple that's getting married. Be flexible as her bridesmaid or even a wedding guest-she might need your support when drama arises, early in the morning to late at night. Keep your finances in mind. I was ok with this role: not being a bridesmaid even though I was apart of the bachelorette activities. I'm always up to party, even with Fuji water on those nights I can't drink. I'm also the sort that goes with the flow and loves a great time. One wedding, the people I knew left. I ended up partying the night away with other people that was there. I'm the only child and have no problem going somewhere not knowing anyone. Another wedding, it didn't start on time (like it was over an hour late), and ended up clicking with some of the wedding guests. Sometimes, well a lot of times, things won't go your way. Don't be a Negative Nancy about it, just be flexible and go with the flow.
Also, don't let the title of bridesmaid define who you are as a person. Did I enjoy being a bridesmaid? Sure. I hope none of them reads this part lol, but after some of them I could have done without. I did a self reflection after a few of them asking why did my younger self want to be apart of these so bad anyways lol. To be 100% blunt I'm starting to become one of those people that not a fan of weddings much (even though I getting wayyy more invites nowadays.) I don't like drama, bridezillas, or pettiness. Part of my self care is keeping my distance from toxic people, situations and things. That goes for events that adds unnecessary headaches. I'm not the jealous sort, and if I pick up on that energy I'm out.
I've been a bridesmaid 3 times and a bride once. They have all been very different experiences, from friends who live far away to a family member who is close by. I'm not very outgoing with people I don't know or don't like so for my personal boundaries I didn't attend one of the Bachelorette parties. Also, there are a ton of behind the scenes/day of things that pop up so if there isn't a day of wedding planner I usually did those things like moving flowers from the ceremony to reception area, helping bride change into her reception outfit/fixing veils, or making sure the party bus that drove us from the ceremony to the reception was clean. That's the kind of stuff that I enjoy about being a bridemaid. 😊
I am 40 years old and have been on almost every side of this. I have probably attended well over 75 weddings in my life and of those have been a bridesmaid around 10 times, including a maid of honor 3 times in one year! I got married myself 5 years ago and thus feel like i know it from all angles. It truly does depend on the wedding given the bride herself (her personality, wants, desires, etc..) the type of people in the bridal party - (how much everything will cost, drama etc.) Also depends on your own personality - I personally love LOVE and love a good party, so weddings are always fun for me regardless if I am a guest or a bridesmaid I have literally been to a wedding of a co-worker where I only knew a few other people and they all left very early on in the reception, but I ended up partying on with other guests all through the wedding and after party.
I also love being a bridesmaid for the same reasons you mentioned about having time to actually gather with my close girlfriends, party and let loose since we are all so spread out and busy. I think you just need to go into the whole experience with an open mind - knowing there may be drama and willing to help your friend the bride as much as you are able (given your own financial and time constraints - plus your own mental health if things get cray cray)
I love your perspective!
In my honest experience and opinion, just go into accepting that you’re probably going to feel invisible, and accept that , let that sit well with you , you’re an accessory to the bride and that’s okay , bring your most lighthearted- fun loving self and be ready for drama and issues to arrive and ready to do your very best to help solve them … I truly
Believe it’s all about the attitude going into a commitment with a situation like such. And remember they aren’t called brides - MAIDS for no reason. And if that position doesn’t make you feel some kind of resentment… then you’re going to have a blast and enjoy helping your friend celebrate her day … and don’t forget it’s the Grooms day also ! 💕
Holland! Such an interesting and true take on being a bridesmaid. Even though it seems like so much attention is on you (walking down the aisle, wearing the dress, etc.) you really can feel invisible.
Keep your boundaries! Know when an ask is going to drain you monetarily, emotionally, energy-wise or take up too much of your time (like half a week of pto right before labor day weekend). I've been a bridesmaid a few times, and it's always a different vibe with each person/family/group. Just don't get to the point where your sanity is being questioned or you have one more errand you're asked to do (aside from the day of the wedding) that's going to stress you out.
Congrats to your best friend! Hopefully you like or already know some of the people that she chooses for her bridal party. Even if not, NO WORRIES! The best idea is to come to the group with the attitude that everyone is there to give the happy couple their best day. As you noted, that may not be the case, but don't assume and be as low maintenance as possible. The day is to be helpful to your bestie and the aesthetic they're going for, not to complain or add to any issues. I've found this works for weddings for friends I've had over a decade and couples I met 2 months before their wedding and was invited to join the bridal party.
I had to think about this one for a bit. If you wanna skip the story & go to paragraph 4 that's cool, but I tie it in towards the end. Expect typos, I'm sorta sleepy writing this.
My story? I started watching get people get hitched in school. Like 20 somethings. I got invited to several friends weddings then, not bridesmaid quite yet. To me, getting married in college was like leaving the party at 10pm, but teach is on! I used to wonder what was behind some of my college friends' decisions to pick some of their bridesmaids at the time. I just figure hey we wasn't as close like I thought, all good. I also wrote some articles on what to do if you don't get invited to a wedding. I also found out some people are not the people I thought they were. Many loved my advice on wedding invites.
I went through a period of cutting a lot of people from my school years out of my life. I hope they are happy but I realized they wasn't good for me. I'm better off without them and I found they wasn't worth my time or energy. Literally for my own good I stopped caring. I got new circles that I keep on the down low to this day-I got influencer circles because I grew my YouTube channel, acting, musician and entrepreneur circles. My family is ginormous too. This also means more weddings and more opportunities to be a bridesmaid.
You know how you wanted something for so long, then after you get it, you're like what have I done? Lol. I started to get invited to a lot of weddings, and being asked to be a bridesmaid for others. (I had to turn down a few, because I have a lot of chronic illnesses and I was having surgeries for a couple of dates). I have experienced several sides, but I'm not getting married so my lens is the proud singleton wing woman perspective.
My advice? It's not about you, it's about the couple that's getting married. Be flexible as her bridesmaid or even a wedding guest-she might need your support when drama arises, early in the morning to late at night. Keep your finances in mind. I was ok with this role: not being a bridesmaid even though I was apart of the bachelorette activities. I'm always up to party, even with Fuji water on those nights I can't drink. I'm also the sort that goes with the flow and loves a great time. One wedding, the people I knew left. I ended up partying the night away with other people that was there. I'm the only child and have no problem going somewhere not knowing anyone. Another wedding, it didn't start on time (like it was over an hour late), and ended up clicking with some of the wedding guests. Sometimes, well a lot of times, things won't go your way. Don't be a Negative Nancy about it, just be flexible and go with the flow.
Also, don't let the title of bridesmaid define who you are as a person. Did I enjoy being a bridesmaid? Sure. I hope none of them reads this part lol, but after some of them I could have done without. I did a self reflection after a few of them asking why did my younger self want to be apart of these so bad anyways lol. To be 100% blunt I'm starting to become one of those people that not a fan of weddings much (even though I getting wayyy more invites nowadays.) I don't like drama, bridezillas, or pettiness. Part of my self care is keeping my distance from toxic people, situations and things. That goes for events that adds unnecessary headaches. I'm not the jealous sort, and if I pick up on that energy I'm out.
I've been a bridesmaid 3 times and a bride once. They have all been very different experiences, from friends who live far away to a family member who is close by. I'm not very outgoing with people I don't know or don't like so for my personal boundaries I didn't attend one of the Bachelorette parties. Also, there are a ton of behind the scenes/day of things that pop up so if there isn't a day of wedding planner I usually did those things like moving flowers from the ceremony to reception area, helping bride change into her reception outfit/fixing veils, or making sure the party bus that drove us from the ceremony to the reception was clean. That's the kind of stuff that I enjoy about being a bridemaid. 😊