😲 She Kissed My Boyfriend & Wants Me to Be Her Bridesmaid
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📞 Hello? Hi. It’s me, Jen Glantz. Welcome to the 1-800-Bridesmaid, by Bridesmaid for Hire. A place where real stories are shared and your best advice is given.
This week: A woman wants to back out from being her fiance’s best friend’s bridesmaid.
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Dear 1-800-Bridesmaid,
I've been with my partner for almost 3 years, and things have been mostly wonderful. When we started dating, he was anxious to introduce me to his best friend since kindergarten (28F), who quickly declared herself my "best friend" despite my never opening up to her. She calls herself the "mom of the group," takes over everyone's plans, and frequently makes judgmental comments about my life and home.
Now she's getting married and asked me to be a bridesmaid, while my boyfriend is her man-of-honor. She regularly mentions how she and my boyfriend kissed in primary school, though she "felt like she just kissed her brother." I always leave interactions with her feeling angry, exhausted, and belittled.
The wedding is later this year. We haven't bought dresses yet, and two bridesmaids have already backed out. I want to distance myself from her but worry backing out now will cause more problems. Should I endure being a bridesmaid for my boyfriend's sake or make my escape?
-Bianca
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Stay as the bridesmaid for now, but have a conversation with your boyfriend about how her comments make you feel. Frankly you can always drop out later, but dropping out (seemingly out of the blue to her and him) because of this without talking about it with your boyfriend first will reflect badly on you, and might even influence your boyfriend to take her side over yours, since from his perspective you just dropped out of his best friend’s wedding for no reason.
Again you can always drop out later, but have the conversation with him about “I know you aren’t interested in her and obviously she’s getting married to someone else, but the way she always brings that stuff up makes me really uncomfortable. I want to be there and be part of her wedding with you, but I’m feeling really conflicted about it because of xyz” before making that decision.
I agree with Katie. As a lifelong female bff to a male bff (who is happily married), this is entirely inappropriate behavior. I don't think the issue is her having kissed your boyfriend in primary school. This seems to happen a lot with friendships like this (mine included), but bringing it up consistently is a problem. You're all adults now! I would broach the subject with your boyfriend. You're not in the wrong to ask for some respect here. There needs to be a boundary, and your boyfriend should be the one to place it.