I would talk to them. Touch on the things said but in a way that they don’t know you know about what was said. Start by thanking everyone for their willingness to participate in your special day then say something like I know it seems like a lot but it couldn’t be possible without all of them etc. basically, you’re making them feel bad for talking about you instead of coming to you with suggestions. Smother them with kindness always works for me
This one hit close to home for me. I've had so many people talk about me behind my back and be so called friends in my face. I'm not the gossipy and jealous sort and never understood why people wanna be that way, when I was a friend to them. Was I perfect? No. But I don't think I deserved my name being dragged through the mud over jealousy and false accusations either. I went through a purging period where I cut a lot of people out of my life. I cut off my heart from many people from my past. I no longer miss them. I'm like you, I don't trust easily. As a giver, I had to learn to set limits, because the takers rarely do. I set limits, boundaries, and while what's done is done. I'm very picky on who I let in and who I let sit at my table nowadays.
I would cut all these bridesmaids and start over. They should be cheering you on, not making you feel like crap.
First, Liz, my heart hurts with you about this. It is atrocious behaviour, betrayal. I am sorry.
Second, this is such a hard question, and I know that you know that there is no easy answer. Confronting the problem is difficult and problematic, as is not confronting it and pretending all is well which will destroy you internally.
I think you must first determine whether you still want these people in your life going forward - - if they loved you, they wouldn't be acting this way - - in my humble opinion.
Perhaps a discussion with your fiance, since his sister is in on this crucifixion ? I would think that he would want to be supportive of you - - being that he expects to share his life with you ?
Does it work for you to pretend all is well and do what would be a kind of fake wedding for you - regarding those relationships ?
You have a hard decision to make about what really is right for you.
If you confront the problem, then you could call a group meeting - make it a mandatory thing - - use some sort of plausible reason - and then when everyone is together, open up the discussion. If you have had a discussion with your fiance and he is supporting you, then perhaps include him in the meeting ? It is, after all, his day too.
I would say that you want to be very composed, keep your emotions very contained as you talk about your feelings and the whole situation, and be decided as to your course of action going forward.
You should be very clear, before going into the meeting, on where you want to go from this because you don't want to be swayed by unexpected reactions or denials or other potentially bad behaviour from the group.
Pretty much every thing in life is a negotiation, so if you call a meeting, then treat it as you treat any difficult negotiation - which it is.
You must be very clear on your bottom line, the purpose (for YOU) of the meeting, what you want from the meeting, and be ready to walk away if you have to. You have to be very firm in your resolve as to your direction.
Do you want pledges and apologies ? Would that be enough ? Will you ever trust these people again ?
Once you determine what you truly WANT, then I encourage you to be true to your authenticity. Every other path will only lead you to misery anyway.
I wish you peace, confidence, strength, self-love, and that you receive support and love from people worthy of you. You deserve to be supported and loved completely.
I would talk to them. Touch on the things said but in a way that they don’t know you know about what was said. Start by thanking everyone for their willingness to participate in your special day then say something like I know it seems like a lot but it couldn’t be possible without all of them etc. basically, you’re making them feel bad for talking about you instead of coming to you with suggestions. Smother them with kindness always works for me
Drop them and keep your distance from them
Hey OP.
This one hit close to home for me. I've had so many people talk about me behind my back and be so called friends in my face. I'm not the gossipy and jealous sort and never understood why people wanna be that way, when I was a friend to them. Was I perfect? No. But I don't think I deserved my name being dragged through the mud over jealousy and false accusations either. I went through a purging period where I cut a lot of people out of my life. I cut off my heart from many people from my past. I no longer miss them. I'm like you, I don't trust easily. As a giver, I had to learn to set limits, because the takers rarely do. I set limits, boundaries, and while what's done is done. I'm very picky on who I let in and who I let sit at my table nowadays.
I would cut all these bridesmaids and start over. They should be cheering you on, not making you feel like crap.
First, Liz, my heart hurts with you about this. It is atrocious behaviour, betrayal. I am sorry.
Second, this is such a hard question, and I know that you know that there is no easy answer. Confronting the problem is difficult and problematic, as is not confronting it and pretending all is well which will destroy you internally.
I think you must first determine whether you still want these people in your life going forward - - if they loved you, they wouldn't be acting this way - - in my humble opinion.
Perhaps a discussion with your fiance, since his sister is in on this crucifixion ? I would think that he would want to be supportive of you - - being that he expects to share his life with you ?
Does it work for you to pretend all is well and do what would be a kind of fake wedding for you - regarding those relationships ?
You have a hard decision to make about what really is right for you.
If you confront the problem, then you could call a group meeting - make it a mandatory thing - - use some sort of plausible reason - and then when everyone is together, open up the discussion. If you have had a discussion with your fiance and he is supporting you, then perhaps include him in the meeting ? It is, after all, his day too.
I would say that you want to be very composed, keep your emotions very contained as you talk about your feelings and the whole situation, and be decided as to your course of action going forward.
You should be very clear, before going into the meeting, on where you want to go from this because you don't want to be swayed by unexpected reactions or denials or other potentially bad behaviour from the group.
Pretty much every thing in life is a negotiation, so if you call a meeting, then treat it as you treat any difficult negotiation - which it is.
You must be very clear on your bottom line, the purpose (for YOU) of the meeting, what you want from the meeting, and be ready to walk away if you have to. You have to be very firm in your resolve as to your direction.
Do you want pledges and apologies ? Would that be enough ? Will you ever trust these people again ?
Once you determine what you truly WANT, then I encourage you to be true to your authenticity. Every other path will only lead you to misery anyway.
I wish you peace, confidence, strength, self-love, and that you receive support and love from people worthy of you. You deserve to be supported and loved completely.
Love,
Eva