The Wedding Was 100% Fake
1-800-Bridesmaid
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This week: A friend said no to a fake wedding. But she’s wondering if she overreacted.
Last week: A caller doesn’t know what to do about her sister — who is supposed to be her maid of honor. Here’s what you told her.
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Dear 1-800-Bridesmaid,
Six months ago, my friend Jen asked me to be her maid of honor for her upcoming wedding to her boyfriend of three years. I was thrilled and immediately said yes!
Two weeks after I purchased my $300 bridesmaid dress (non-returnable, of course), Jen invited me for coffee and confessed that she and her fiancé Ryan weren't actually going to legally marry. The kicker? Ryan had no idea. He believed they were having a real wedding with all the legal paperwork.
Jen's plan was to have the ceremony, collect gifts, post endless photos on Instagram, but "forget" to mail in the marriage license. Her reasons were truly baffling - she said she "wasn't ready for the commitment" but still wanted "the wedding experience" and all the attention that comes with it.
As if that wasn't bad enough, she then proceeded to outline her expectations for pre-wedding events:
A destination bachelorette party in Bali (approximately $2,500 per bridesmaid)
A "pre-wedding photoshoot weekend" in wine country ($800 each)
Contributing $600 each toward her bridal shower
When I expressed concern about deceiving Ryan and all their guests, she laughed it off saying, "What they don't know won't hurt them!" and added that "everyone does stuff just for social media these days."
I went home that night and couldn't sleep. By morning, I had made my decision - I called Jen and told her I couldn't participate in her wedding under these circumstances. She was furious, called me judgmental, and said I was "ruining her special time." I tried to resell my dress but only got $50 back, and lost the deposits I'd already put down for her events.
It's been four months, and we haven't spoken since. Through mutual friends, I heard the "wedding" was still scheduled for next month. I've been wrestling with whether I should tell Ryan, but I don't want to insert myself further into this mess.
Am I overreacting? Should I have just played along? And what about Ryan - does he deserve to know the truth?
-Claire
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If this lady knows someone in the groom's family, tell that person and leave it up to them to inform the groom. Sometimes things are easier when told by family/ close friends.
And please tell the groom, he deserves to know the truth more than anyone else. You should also mention it to any of the bridesmaids you have a relationship with.
The “bride” is extremely selfish and spoiled and should be be encouraged to get away with it.