Start therapy now. Have the wedding, don't sign the certificate and get legally married until you two are sure things will be fine. Therapy definitely CAN help
Perhaps one place to start is to define the parameters of WHY you should proceed forward with the wedding.
I agree with you absolutely that it is far less costly in emotional, financial, and legal capital to call it off now than to be stuck in the legal and financial quagmire of divorce, etc....
So, to the WHY would you proceed forward? - - is the basis of your relationship the financial gain/loss?
The question is not a function of judgement - - it is merely for the purpose of helping to clarify - - what do you want, what is your priority, etc....
You have made it clear that you want a happy healthy partnership with your fiance. Is that condition of happy and healthy bourne out of proceeding with the wedding?
In very practical terms - - would the condition of you being in a happy healthy supportive partnership with your fiance be a DIRECT quantifiable result of proceeding forward with the wedding (as in 1 + 1 always = 2)?
On the very ground level, marriage is a legally binding contract. The legal components are not romantic, or based upon love, or based upon building happy healthy supportive partnerships. The contract of marriage is built upon questions of money, property, legal accountability.
Perhaps you would be better to give a serious try to counseling together before you create a legally binding contract?
Perhaps - - if you make a successful run of counseling and you come out of it with a very strong partnership, if and when you get married after that, you and your fiance will be far happier and confident entering into one of the most, if not the most, legally binding agreements of your life.
On the alternate, perhaps counseling will reveal to you that, in fact, though you may have a lot of love for each other, marriage is much much more than just love, you two were not at all well suited to a lifetime bound together, and that getting married would have been a catastrophic error for you both.
Is there possibility of delay while you and your fiance take 6 months in counseling to see where it leads you?
Did your fiance propose to you? If yes, were you fighting a lot when that happened? Is there a chance that the proposal was intended to be a "fix" for the fighting? Or was the proposal a "well-we-should-already-after-three-years" sort of thing?
I heartily encourage you to force yourself to ask the uncomfortable questions now before it is too late.
I wish that I had done so on a number of occasions - I wish that I had had another me to talk to when I made big decisions that I wish I hadn't.
Better to call off the wedding than to divorce later Don’t get married to please anyone You’re the one that will have to deal with the consequences Not them
Girl, as someone who called off her wedding, just know that you will find a way forward and you will be okay. Of the fights are bad, no matter what they are about, think about how you would want your kids to see and perceive you both as well. Would you want your future children to grow up in a home like that? It doesn’t matter what the fight is about, but if you both have a hard time being kind and respectful and considerate through those discussions, it’s not worth the stresss.
Start therapy now. Have the wedding, don't sign the certificate and get legally married until you two are sure things will be fine. Therapy definitely CAN help
Dear S,
Perhaps one place to start is to define the parameters of WHY you should proceed forward with the wedding.
I agree with you absolutely that it is far less costly in emotional, financial, and legal capital to call it off now than to be stuck in the legal and financial quagmire of divorce, etc....
So, to the WHY would you proceed forward? - - is the basis of your relationship the financial gain/loss?
The question is not a function of judgement - - it is merely for the purpose of helping to clarify - - what do you want, what is your priority, etc....
You have made it clear that you want a happy healthy partnership with your fiance. Is that condition of happy and healthy bourne out of proceeding with the wedding?
In very practical terms - - would the condition of you being in a happy healthy supportive partnership with your fiance be a DIRECT quantifiable result of proceeding forward with the wedding (as in 1 + 1 always = 2)?
On the very ground level, marriage is a legally binding contract. The legal components are not romantic, or based upon love, or based upon building happy healthy supportive partnerships. The contract of marriage is built upon questions of money, property, legal accountability.
Perhaps you would be better to give a serious try to counseling together before you create a legally binding contract?
Perhaps - - if you make a successful run of counseling and you come out of it with a very strong partnership, if and when you get married after that, you and your fiance will be far happier and confident entering into one of the most, if not the most, legally binding agreements of your life.
On the alternate, perhaps counseling will reveal to you that, in fact, though you may have a lot of love for each other, marriage is much much more than just love, you two were not at all well suited to a lifetime bound together, and that getting married would have been a catastrophic error for you both.
Is there possibility of delay while you and your fiance take 6 months in counseling to see where it leads you?
Did your fiance propose to you? If yes, were you fighting a lot when that happened? Is there a chance that the proposal was intended to be a "fix" for the fighting? Or was the proposal a "well-we-should-already-after-three-years" sort of thing?
I heartily encourage you to force yourself to ask the uncomfortable questions now before it is too late.
I wish that I had done so on a number of occasions - I wish that I had had another me to talk to when I made big decisions that I wish I hadn't.
Love and Support,
Eva
Better to call off the wedding than to divorce later Don’t get married to please anyone You’re the one that will have to deal with the consequences Not them
Girl, as someone who called off her wedding, just know that you will find a way forward and you will be okay. Of the fights are bad, no matter what they are about, think about how you would want your kids to see and perceive you both as well. Would you want your future children to grow up in a home like that? It doesn’t matter what the fight is about, but if you both have a hard time being kind and respectful and considerate through those discussions, it’s not worth the stresss.