I hear you expressing that this really REALLY bothers you and that you are trying to force your emotions to comply with what think you SHOULD do.
If I am wrong on that, please pardon me.
In listening to what you wrote, you did say that you love your friend, but that she deeply hurt you by her negligence.
I would probably opt out and consider the friendship over.
I am at a point in my developement that I have decided that I will not be anything other than someone's first choice, and if I am not, it is their loss. I know about myself that it would always be a thorn in my side to know that I was not the priority and that the consideration and love I would have shown my friend, was not extended to me.
If you can put yourself there emotionally, how would you feel if you did agree to be the pinch-hitter? Would it eat at you forever and be a crappy inside feeling that you would never be able to leave behind?
A year hence, would you regret NOT being a part of her wedding?
If you can imagine it, which set of emotions do you believe will be stronger?
Perhaps the most important and first question;
What do you want?
Really sit with that for a bit. Nothing about should, could. etc. Just quite simply, what do you WANT?
Is your desire to participate stronger than the creeping feeling of being the fall-back position for her?
In my experience with these types of situations, they have not played out as good for my well-being and spirit. They have been damaging and not worth my effort and generosity.
What bothers me about this situation is that your bride never communicated with you about leaving you out of this huge day in her life in all of the time prior to her desperate call to you.
If she had not had a bridesmaid drop out at the 11th hour, she is unlikely to EVER shown you enough regard and respect to ever speak with you about it.
Sure she is contrite and VERY sincere now, when she is desperate for her plan to to be rescued....
It doesn't work for me.
WhatEVER you decide, it is entirely your right and choice and we all support you completely with love and respect.
If it’s something you would enjoy doing and be a part of, do it! Don’t worry so much about other people and their choices (or mistakes), you do or don’t do it because you want to be a part of it and believe it’s something you would enjoy! Who knows, you may end up being the most fun bridesmaid, the glue for the group, do leave the negativity behind and do it for yourself and for your friend! Look forward and not backward!
I have defiantly been the left out woman out in bridal parties before. Mostly because of big families on one or both sides or trying to keep the bridal party super small. I have been told multiple times before "if I had one more spot it would defiantly be you". So I find the biggest questions you need to ask is: Is there anyone else in the bridal party you are friends with? This could help with helping you bond with the rest of the group. Is this the bridesmaid experience you want? Basically how much will missing out on the early parts dampen your memories of the experience. How much is the extra financial burden of buying things last minute? Would the bride be willing to help with the surplus expense since she is the one who left you out in the first place? Does the bride value your friendship to the same level you do? Basically make sure you but yourself first. This is a commitment so make sure it is worth your investment financially and emotionally.
Dear P.
I hear you expressing that this really REALLY bothers you and that you are trying to force your emotions to comply with what think you SHOULD do.
If I am wrong on that, please pardon me.
In listening to what you wrote, you did say that you love your friend, but that she deeply hurt you by her negligence.
I would probably opt out and consider the friendship over.
I am at a point in my developement that I have decided that I will not be anything other than someone's first choice, and if I am not, it is their loss. I know about myself that it would always be a thorn in my side to know that I was not the priority and that the consideration and love I would have shown my friend, was not extended to me.
If you can put yourself there emotionally, how would you feel if you did agree to be the pinch-hitter? Would it eat at you forever and be a crappy inside feeling that you would never be able to leave behind?
A year hence, would you regret NOT being a part of her wedding?
If you can imagine it, which set of emotions do you believe will be stronger?
Perhaps the most important and first question;
What do you want?
Really sit with that for a bit. Nothing about should, could. etc. Just quite simply, what do you WANT?
Is your desire to participate stronger than the creeping feeling of being the fall-back position for her?
In my experience with these types of situations, they have not played out as good for my well-being and spirit. They have been damaging and not worth my effort and generosity.
What bothers me about this situation is that your bride never communicated with you about leaving you out of this huge day in her life in all of the time prior to her desperate call to you.
If she had not had a bridesmaid drop out at the 11th hour, she is unlikely to EVER shown you enough regard and respect to ever speak with you about it.
Sure she is contrite and VERY sincere now, when she is desperate for her plan to to be rescued....
It doesn't work for me.
WhatEVER you decide, it is entirely your right and choice and we all support you completely with love and respect.
Love,
Eva
If it’s something you would enjoy doing and be a part of, do it! Don’t worry so much about other people and their choices (or mistakes), you do or don’t do it because you want to be a part of it and believe it’s something you would enjoy! Who knows, you may end up being the most fun bridesmaid, the glue for the group, do leave the negativity behind and do it for yourself and for your friend! Look forward and not backward!
I have defiantly been the left out woman out in bridal parties before. Mostly because of big families on one or both sides or trying to keep the bridal party super small. I have been told multiple times before "if I had one more spot it would defiantly be you". So I find the biggest questions you need to ask is: Is there anyone else in the bridal party you are friends with? This could help with helping you bond with the rest of the group. Is this the bridesmaid experience you want? Basically how much will missing out on the early parts dampen your memories of the experience. How much is the extra financial burden of buying things last minute? Would the bride be willing to help with the surplus expense since she is the one who left you out in the first place? Does the bride value your friendship to the same level you do? Basically make sure you but yourself first. This is a commitment so make sure it is worth your investment financially and emotionally.