😲 Being a Bridesmaid Broke Me
1-800-Bridesmaid
📞 Hello? Hi. It’s me, Jen Glantz. Welcome to the 1-800-Bridesmaid, by Bridesmaid for Hire. A place where real stories are shared and your best advice is given.
This week: A bridesmaid feels like the friendship is broken in a million pieces. Can she end it before the wedding?
Last week: A woman wants to back out from being her fiance’s best friend’s bridesmaid. Here’s what you told her.
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Let’s dive into this week’s caller:
🏆What we can’t stop chatting about:
Jewelry: I wear this big bedazzled G necklace every day and get so many compliments. It’s on sale this week for 50% off and is a great deal for a gift or a self-treat.
Makeup: I’m really obsessed with Ilia Foundation. It’s my new daily foundation and it’s so lightweight, provides good coverage, has sunscreen in it, and does not make me break out. Everything makes me break out!!
Most-Worn Item Of the Week: This denim crop top. It fits so well, looks stylish, and can be paired with the best $29 jeans (which are $24 this week), trousers, or even leggings.
Book: If you ever wondered what it’s like to be a hired bridesmaid for strangers, here are the stories nobody has ever heard before.
Dear 1-800-Bridesmaid,
My best friend of 15 years, Cassie, is getting married in three weeks. We met freshman year of college, were roommates for four years, and have been through everything together—my parents' divorce, her mom's cancer battle, job losses, breakups, you name it.
When she asked me to be her maid of honor last year, I was thrilled. But over these past nine months, she's transformed into someone I don't recognize. The wedding planning brought endless demands: multiple dress fittings during work hours, a $2,200 bachelorette trip I couldn't afford, and mandatory check-ins about centerpieces while I was going through a breakup she barely acknowledged.
My anxiety has skyrocketed. I'm having panic attacks at work and checking my phone 30-40 times hourly for her messages. I review my maid of honor checklist three times before bed out of fear I'll forget something. Last night, I spent four hours rewriting my speech, creating twelve different versions. My therapist notes these are 'OCD tendencies.'
The breaking point came yesterday when Cassie commented on my dress having a 'forgiving waistline.' I haven't been honest about how her new friends criticize my life or how I'm drowning in debt from her wedding expectations.
I've spent thousands on this wedding while being increasingly sidelined. I've realized this friendship has been over for longer than I've admitted - the wedding just made it clear.
The ceremony is in three weeks. Should I step down now? Or is it worse to pretend we're still close friends? How do I grieve this 15-year friendship while everyone else is celebrating?
-Nicole
What advice would you give Nicole?
Here’s what our expert had to say:
Ps. What’s new with Bridesmaid for Hire:
A lot of you are reaching out to see if we are still hiring. Yes, but at the moment, there aren’t any open positions. I’ll keep you posted inside the newsletter when open positions to work weddings pop up.
My new book Finally the Bride is now available on Amazon!
My team and I developed these interactive maid of honor/best man speech, wedding officiant speech, and wedding vow tools. You chat with us about the stories, details, and memories you want to include and I write the speech for you — in just a few hours.
I'm Jen Glantz and this is my Bridesmaid for Hire newsletter <3
I would quit. She's not your friend anymore. Write an email about how all this make you feel. Too bad you put yourself in debt. But this is also a valuable lesson. Stick to your boundaries. And from own experience when you lose a so called friend, there's a genuine one in your future. Take care.
“The friendship has been over for longer than I’ve admitted.” - that’s the bingo right there. She wasn’t your best friend for 15 years. Both of you have stopped being best friends for a while - the wedding prep is just the blessing to reveal the true state of things.
This is why you don’t try to patch a friendship that can’t be patched. It’s time to move on. For example, you shouldn’t have to go into debt for a friend’s or best friend’s wedding.
Now, sit down and write out what your boundaries are going forward - 3 weeks or not. What you’ll take and won’t take. If any of the boundaries are crossed, you’re out.
Either you do this now or later, be calm in the knowledge that this friendship was over a long time ago. This just made everything clearer. I’ll be happy to break off from this kind of relationship - no anxiety, no debts, no name calling - sign me up