😲 Future Mother in Law is Making Me Mad
1-800-Bridesmaid
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This week: The caller is in a tizzy with her future mother in law. She doesn’t want to marry the guy if it means marrying the mom.
Last week: The caller was asked to be a backup bridesmaid after someone else dropped out of the wedding party. She feels hurt. Here’s what you told her to do.
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Dear 1-800-Bridesmaid,
My future mother-in-law is making my wedding planning experience a living nightmare. During my dress fitting, she spent the entire time making snide comments about how she "just wishes it was white" (I chose a gorgeous off-white gown). She made these remarks loud enough for everyone to hear while pretending she wasn't saying them directly to me. When I finally stood up for myself and said there was no requirement for a pure white dress, you'd think I'd suggested getting married in a clown costume.
On the drive home, she made sure to tell me how much she hated the headband I want to wear instead of a veil. At this point, I'm tempted to wear a hot pink dress with a tiara just to really give her something to talk about.
My fiancé tries to help but mostly just shrugs it off since he's used to her behavior. Meanwhile, I'm having anxiety attacks over every little wedding decision because I know she'll have something negative to say about it. Every holiday? Every family gathering? Every decision about future kids? I can already hear her criticisms.
I love my fiancé deeply, but how am I supposed to handle a lifetime of criticism and control from her when he won’t stand up for me?
Please tell me that the saying "when you marry the guy, you marry his family" isn't true, because I'm having a full-blown crisis over here.
Help!
-J.
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Girl, get a red or black dress please, I beg of you to show her who the boss it. You can’t talk to people like her, you have to show them. Work on your ignoring skills and test them when she’s in the equation
Alright. Speaking to you like a bestie, short & to the point (hopefully).
1. That lady is crazy.
2. You need to have a conversation with your fiancé. You need to explain the struggles you are facing with her and how they're making you feel (beyond just in this moment, what does this mean for future of your marriage/family). If he doesn't stand up for you, this could be a deal-breaker for your future. When you're getting married, you become his immediate family. He needs to begin acting like such, because at this point, it doesn't seem like he is.
3. I would try (try being a key word) and have a very real conversation with her. The way she's treating you is not appreciated, and unacceptable. If she continues to be disrespectful, she will no longer be invited to (and you need to follow through on this-if possible, get your fiancé on board too) things leading up to the wedding: dress shopping, bachelorette (some people invite their MIL-idk), bridal showers, etc.
4. Boundaries outside of the wedding with MIL. I would be considerate of your shared time together (holidays, events, etc.) You are allowed to set boundaries for your own sanity. If this means she doesn't get to see you for Thanksgiving/Christmas because she's being a B****, sorry, not sorry.