š² I can't stop looking at my ex's Instagram
1-800-Bridesmaid
š Hello? Hi. Itās me, Jen Glantz. Welcome to the 1-800-Bridesmaid, by Bridesmaid for Hire. A place where real stories are shared and your best advice is given.
This week: A caller canāt stop stalking her ex. But sheās about to marry someone else.
Last week: The caller wants kids. Her fiance does not. Hereās what you told her to do.
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Dear 1-800-Bridesmaid,
Hi Jen, I'm Taylor from Chicago. I'm getting married to Chris, who's everything I should wantākind, stable, and responsible. But I haven't told anyone a secret...
Every night, I scroll through my ex-boyfriend Ethan's Instagram. Two years ago, we were nearly engaged. We had that enviable, intense connection and had already planned much of our wedding when, after one stupid fight, he broke up with me and left.
I met Chris six months later and said yes to his proposal because it made sense. He'd never hurt me like Ethan did. But during wedding planning, I can't stop thinking about Ethan. I've even driven to his new apartment building just to sit outside, rehearsing what I'd say if I saw him.
Recently, Chris found Ethan's name in my search history. I lied about who he was, and Chris completely trusted me.
I do love Chris, but it's not the all-consuming passion I had with Ethan. I'm terrified of making the wrong decision. Am I settling? Was what I had with Ethan real love, and Chris just comfortable companionship?
I need closure before I promise 'forever' to someone and forever miss my ex. Please help.
Lets help Taylor.
Want to see what an expert has to say? Weāre joined by Dr. Gary McClain, a therapist, patient advocate, and author. Heās on this weekās episode of 1-800-Bridesmaid sharing her advice on what Taylor should do.
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Tell your fiance. You can't build a marriage or relationship based on lies. And if he's such a good man, you should let him go instead of pining over your ex boyfriend. You can't have it both ways. Betrayal is the worst you can do to your partner. It sounds harsh, but the difficult path is always better than the easiest way out.
There is zero way to sugarcoat this. If you literally married your fiancƩ under these circumstances, that would be despicable. Do you know what marriage even is??
It also sounds extremely desperate as though you just need to ābe marriedā to whoever will have you.
Imagine your fiancĆ© was stalking and obsessing over another woman? People would call him a monster narcissist and the whole 9 yards. Itās gross and disturbing. I mean, get it together.
FREE HIM if you have any ounce of respect for him. Heās OBVIOUSLY not the one for you and you are OBVIOUSLY not the one for him. You donāt need a husband. You need self-esteem and common sense.
Your ex doesnāt even like you and dropped you like a hot potato. No one who is invested in you just takes off, never to hear from them again. THAT is your āclosure.ā You just donāt want to accept that. (Just like no one who is invested in their fiancĆ© is literally stalking their ex online and in person, unable to live without them.)
And YOU are sitting outside his place??!! Do you not see how creepy that is? If I knew an ex was outside my place, pining over me in his car I would call the police. (It's amazing what women will do, but if their guy was doing the same, they would freak out and call him "psycho.") Would you not be completely embarrassed if your ex saw you doing this?
And if your so-called "fiance" still wants to marry you if you tell him this, heās even more desperate than you.