You should have had the tough conversation on the very first date. If you really feel that very strongly about having kids, and he feels the stark opposite, that’s something you should have talked about on the first date before feelings and passion set in.
Yes, this is why I recommend always having your list handy of non-negotiables.
It’ll be an uncomfortable conversation, but you need to have the conversation.
Forget about what people will say or think. You’re the one getting married not them.
And to avoid a repeat of this going forward, have your list of your non-negotiables and be ready to walk away if you & your date are not on the same page. It’ll save you painful moments like this
Its just like Monica and Richard from Friends. She wanted kids and he didn't want anymore, so then she found her Chandler. Though, Richard is a great guy and they had a wonderful relationship like you guys, go find your Chandler and don't waste any time.
I'm telling you from experience.. If you really want to be a mom, do not marry this guy. If you were to get pregnant, he'll for sure leave and resent you. I went through the same situation, we weren't engaged. He told me he didn't want children. I did but I didn't think I could have them due to a medical condition. So I was ok with being with someone who didn't want kids. 3 years into our relationship, I found out I was pregnant. I had a huge dilemma. Keep my child because this could be my only opportunity, or abort because I knew in advance he didn't want children. My mom convinced me to keep and 12 years later, this man still hates my guts. Could care less if he had a relationship with his child. I say, don't do it. It can and will put a strain on your child as well.
First, let me say this: I know this isn’t an easy decision. You’re standing at the crossroads of your future, burdened by conflicting emotions and flooded with opinions—from family, friends, and strangers like myself. And while voices surround you, the one that matters most is your own.
From what you’ve shared, it sounds like, deep down, you already have a sense of what’s right for you. But I can understand why it’s hard to take that step. It’s so natural to think:
“I have invested so much time and years into this person.”
“I love this person so much.”
“He may change his mind eventually.”
“Things will be different once we get married.”
These are tender, honest thoughts. They show how deeply you care and how committed you are. But sometimes, love alone isn’t enough to bridge the gap between two people who want very different futures.
Your fiancé has been clear—he doesn’t want children. He believes they would change your lifestyle, finances, and relationship in ways he feels uncomfortable. He has every right to feel that way, and respecting his truth is important.
But you have a truth, too—and it’s just as important.
You’ve said that being a mother is one of the most meaningful things you want to experience. That’s not a small or passing wish. That’s part of your heart. Wanting to have children isn’t just an idea for you—it’s a vision for your life that brings you joy and a sense of purpose.
And while it might be tempting to wonder, “Is this dream worth ending a relationship over?”—the answer isn’t black and white. But it is worth asking: would giving up motherhood feel like giving up a part of yourself?
You are already willing to question your own needs, But asking that question suggests a painful truth: you are willing to sacrifice your needs and wants to fit into a relationship that doesn’t leave room for a future you sincerely want.
Over time, that kind of sacrifice can quietly chip away at your joy. Even if things seem good now, how might you feel in five or ten years, watching your friends start families while you wonder what might have been? How will it feel to keep babysitting and loving other people’s children while carrying a quiet ache for your own?
I know your mother said, “Men change their minds when they meet the right woman,” and that’s something many of us have heard. But here’s a gentle reminder: you are the right woman for someone. He’s had three years to reflect on this and has remained consistent. That doesn’t mean he’s wrong—it just means you may want different lives.
It may also help to talk openly with him about this—without pressure or fear—just an honest, heartfelt conversation. You might explore what would happen if something unexpected occurred, like an unplanned pregnancy. How would he respond? Would he consider a vasectomy? Would you be open to permanent contraception? These are deeply personal questions, but they matter when building a life together.
The truth is, you’ve had a beautiful relationship. You’ve shared love, memories, and a meaningful connection. And maybe that relationship was perfect for the season you were both in. But sometimes, the ending of one chapter is simply the beginning of another—one that brings both clarity and peace, even if it takes time to get there.
Whether you stay or walk away, I want you to know that no one will judge you. This is your life, your journey, and your decision. If you stay, I hope it’s with your whole heart, and if you leave, know that the sadness won’t last forever. Healing may take time, but it will come. You deserve a future that honours both your love and your dreams.
When a man makes it clear he doesn’t want kids while your dating, he already made it clear he is not the one for you even if you connect on some level find someone who does
Don't get married! Like one of the previous comments, he'll resent you for it. Why would you settle for someone and hope he'll change his mind? And tell the next one you're dating exactly what you want in a relationship.
Abandon this relationship. Love is not enough to last. He could also be that guy when he is in another relationship and suddenly his only wish is to have children. It wasn't just with you.
Stop wasting your time. Be single for a while and make a priority list what you exactly want.
Maybe you'll get your mister right without all those doubts. Live your best life.
Not only do I agree with the previous person who commented but I will also add that to be in a relationship with anyone for a considerable amount of time knowing that this person doesn’t want children and you do is insanity. Your friends telling you that “love conquers all” are delusional at best. If you stay both of you will be resentful of the other and both of you are practicing what I like to call willful ignorance or selective blindness!
As women, let’s normalize not settling just for the sake of being married. There are plenty of great men out there who will share some of your beliefs and values especially those that are non-negotiable.
I am saying this for experience I did not want kids and he did we ended divorcing I hoped he didn't wanted kids he was hopping I change and wanted kids
I am saying this for experience I did not want kids and he did we ended divorcing I hoped he didn't wanted kids he was hopping I change and wanted kids
I am saying this for experience I did not want kids and he did we ended divorcing I hoped he didn't wanted kids he was hopping I change and wanted kids
I'm telling you from experience.. If you task wasn't to be a mom, do not marry this guy. If you were to get pregnant, he'll for sure leave and resent you. I went through the same situation, we weren't engaged. He told me he didn't want children. I did but I didn't think I could have them due to a medical condition. So I was ok with being with someone who didn't want kids. 3 years into our relationship, I found out I was pregnant. I had a huge dilemma. Keep my child because this could be my only opportunity, or abort because I knew in advance he didn't want children. My mom convinced me to keep and 12 years later, this man still hates my guts. Could care less if he had a relationship with his child. I say, don't do it. It can and will put a strain on your child as well.
I'm telling you from experience.. If you task wasn't to be a mom, do not marry this guy. If you were to get pregnant, he'll for sure leave and resent you. I went through the same situation, we weren't engaged. He told me he didn't want children. I did but I didn't think I could have them due to a medical condition. So I was ok with being with someone who didn't want kids. 3 years into our relationship, I found out I was pregnant. I had a huge dilemma. Keep my child because this could be my only opportunity, or abort because I knew in advance he didn't want children. My mom convinced me to keep and 12 years later, this man still hates my guts. Could care less if he had a relationship with his child. I say, don't do it. It can and will put a strain on your child as well.
I'm telling you from experience.. If you task wasn't to be a mom, do not marry this guy. If you were to get pregnant, he'll for sure leave and resent you. I went through the same situation, we weren't engaged. He told me he didn't want children. I did but I didn't think I could have them due to a medical condition. So I was ok with being with someone who didn't want kids. 3 years into our relationship, I found out I was pregnant. I had a huge dilemma. Keep my child because this could be my only opportunity, or abort because I knew in advance he didn't want children. My mom convinced me to keep and 12 years later, this man still hates my guts. Could care less if he had a relationship with his child. I say, don't do it. It can and will put a strain on your child as well.
I'm telling you from experience.. If you task wasn't to be a mom, do not marry this guy. If you were to get pregnant, he'll for sure leave and resent you. I went through the same situation, we weren't engaged. He told me he didn't want children. I did but I didn't think I could have them due to a medical condition. So I was ok with being with someone who didn't want kids. 3 years into our relationship, I found out I was pregnant. I had a huge dilemma. Keep my child because this could be my only opportunity, or abort because I knew in advance he didn't want children. My mom convinced me to keep and 12 years later, this man still hates my guts. Could care less if he had a relationship with his child. I say, don't do it. It can and will put a strain on your child as well.
I'm telling you from experience.. If you task wasn't to be a mom, do not marry this guy. If you were to get pregnant, he'll for sure leave and resent you. I went through the same situation, we weren't engaged. He told me he didn't want children. I did but I didn't think I could have them due to a medical condition. So I was ok with being with someone who didn't want kids. 3 years into our relationship, I found out I was pregnant. I had a huge dilemma. Keep my child because this could be my only opportunity, or abort because I knew in advance he didn't want children. My mom convinced me to keep and 12 years later, this man still hates my guts. Could care less if he had a relationship with his child. I say, don't do it. It can and will put a strain on your child as well.
You should have had the tough conversation on the very first date. If you really feel that very strongly about having kids, and he feels the stark opposite, that’s something you should have talked about on the first date before feelings and passion set in.
Yes, this is why I recommend always having your list handy of non-negotiables.
It’ll be an uncomfortable conversation, but you need to have the conversation.
Forget about what people will say or think. You’re the one getting married not them.
And to avoid a repeat of this going forward, have your list of your non-negotiables and be ready to walk away if you & your date are not on the same page. It’ll save you painful moments like this
Its just like Monica and Richard from Friends. She wanted kids and he didn't want anymore, so then she found her Chandler. Though, Richard is a great guy and they had a wonderful relationship like you guys, go find your Chandler and don't waste any time.
I'm telling you from experience.. If you really want to be a mom, do not marry this guy. If you were to get pregnant, he'll for sure leave and resent you. I went through the same situation, we weren't engaged. He told me he didn't want children. I did but I didn't think I could have them due to a medical condition. So I was ok with being with someone who didn't want kids. 3 years into our relationship, I found out I was pregnant. I had a huge dilemma. Keep my child because this could be my only opportunity, or abort because I knew in advance he didn't want children. My mom convinced me to keep and 12 years later, this man still hates my guts. Could care less if he had a relationship with his child. I say, don't do it. It can and will put a strain on your child as well.
First, let me say this: I know this isn’t an easy decision. You’re standing at the crossroads of your future, burdened by conflicting emotions and flooded with opinions—from family, friends, and strangers like myself. And while voices surround you, the one that matters most is your own.
From what you’ve shared, it sounds like, deep down, you already have a sense of what’s right for you. But I can understand why it’s hard to take that step. It’s so natural to think:
“I have invested so much time and years into this person.”
“I love this person so much.”
“He may change his mind eventually.”
“Things will be different once we get married.”
These are tender, honest thoughts. They show how deeply you care and how committed you are. But sometimes, love alone isn’t enough to bridge the gap between two people who want very different futures.
Your fiancé has been clear—he doesn’t want children. He believes they would change your lifestyle, finances, and relationship in ways he feels uncomfortable. He has every right to feel that way, and respecting his truth is important.
But you have a truth, too—and it’s just as important.
You’ve said that being a mother is one of the most meaningful things you want to experience. That’s not a small or passing wish. That’s part of your heart. Wanting to have children isn’t just an idea for you—it’s a vision for your life that brings you joy and a sense of purpose.
And while it might be tempting to wonder, “Is this dream worth ending a relationship over?”—the answer isn’t black and white. But it is worth asking: would giving up motherhood feel like giving up a part of yourself?
You are already willing to question your own needs, But asking that question suggests a painful truth: you are willing to sacrifice your needs and wants to fit into a relationship that doesn’t leave room for a future you sincerely want.
Over time, that kind of sacrifice can quietly chip away at your joy. Even if things seem good now, how might you feel in five or ten years, watching your friends start families while you wonder what might have been? How will it feel to keep babysitting and loving other people’s children while carrying a quiet ache for your own?
I know your mother said, “Men change their minds when they meet the right woman,” and that’s something many of us have heard. But here’s a gentle reminder: you are the right woman for someone. He’s had three years to reflect on this and has remained consistent. That doesn’t mean he’s wrong—it just means you may want different lives.
It may also help to talk openly with him about this—without pressure or fear—just an honest, heartfelt conversation. You might explore what would happen if something unexpected occurred, like an unplanned pregnancy. How would he respond? Would he consider a vasectomy? Would you be open to permanent contraception? These are deeply personal questions, but they matter when building a life together.
The truth is, you’ve had a beautiful relationship. You’ve shared love, memories, and a meaningful connection. And maybe that relationship was perfect for the season you were both in. But sometimes, the ending of one chapter is simply the beginning of another—one that brings both clarity and peace, even if it takes time to get there.
Whether you stay or walk away, I want you to know that no one will judge you. This is your life, your journey, and your decision. If you stay, I hope it’s with your whole heart, and if you leave, know that the sadness won’t last forever. Healing may take time, but it will come. You deserve a future that honours both your love and your dreams.
I hope this was helpful, and good luck
NO! NO! NO! I've been there. Didn't work out and by the time my marriage ended it was too late for me to have children.
If you marry thinking they will change - they won't. If you marry thinking they won't change - they will.
When a man makes it clear he doesn’t want kids while your dating, he already made it clear he is not the one for you even if you connect on some level find someone who does
Don't get married! Like one of the previous comments, he'll resent you for it. Why would you settle for someone and hope he'll change his mind? And tell the next one you're dating exactly what you want in a relationship.
Abandon this relationship. Love is not enough to last. He could also be that guy when he is in another relationship and suddenly his only wish is to have children. It wasn't just with you.
Stop wasting your time. Be single for a while and make a priority list what you exactly want.
Maybe you'll get your mister right without all those doubts. Live your best life.
Not only do I agree with the previous person who commented but I will also add that to be in a relationship with anyone for a considerable amount of time knowing that this person doesn’t want children and you do is insanity. Your friends telling you that “love conquers all” are delusional at best. If you stay both of you will be resentful of the other and both of you are practicing what I like to call willful ignorance or selective blindness!
As women, let’s normalize not settling just for the sake of being married. There are plenty of great men out there who will share some of your beliefs and values especially those that are non-negotiable.
I am saying this for experience I did not want kids and he did we ended divorcing I hoped he didn't wanted kids he was hopping I change and wanted kids
I am saying this for experience I did not want kids and he did we ended divorcing I hoped he didn't wanted kids he was hopping I change and wanted kids
I am saying this for experience I did not want kids and he did we ended divorcing I hoped he didn't wanted kids he was hopping I change and wanted kids
I'm telling you from experience.. If you task wasn't to be a mom, do not marry this guy. If you were to get pregnant, he'll for sure leave and resent you. I went through the same situation, we weren't engaged. He told me he didn't want children. I did but I didn't think I could have them due to a medical condition. So I was ok with being with someone who didn't want kids. 3 years into our relationship, I found out I was pregnant. I had a huge dilemma. Keep my child because this could be my only opportunity, or abort because I knew in advance he didn't want children. My mom convinced me to keep and 12 years later, this man still hates my guts. Could care less if he had a relationship with his child. I say, don't do it. It can and will put a strain on your child as well.
I'm telling you from experience.. If you task wasn't to be a mom, do not marry this guy. If you were to get pregnant, he'll for sure leave and resent you. I went through the same situation, we weren't engaged. He told me he didn't want children. I did but I didn't think I could have them due to a medical condition. So I was ok with being with someone who didn't want kids. 3 years into our relationship, I found out I was pregnant. I had a huge dilemma. Keep my child because this could be my only opportunity, or abort because I knew in advance he didn't want children. My mom convinced me to keep and 12 years later, this man still hates my guts. Could care less if he had a relationship with his child. I say, don't do it. It can and will put a strain on your child as well.
I'm telling you from experience.. If you task wasn't to be a mom, do not marry this guy. If you were to get pregnant, he'll for sure leave and resent you. I went through the same situation, we weren't engaged. He told me he didn't want children. I did but I didn't think I could have them due to a medical condition. So I was ok with being with someone who didn't want kids. 3 years into our relationship, I found out I was pregnant. I had a huge dilemma. Keep my child because this could be my only opportunity, or abort because I knew in advance he didn't want children. My mom convinced me to keep and 12 years later, this man still hates my guts. Could care less if he had a relationship with his child. I say, don't do it. It can and will put a strain on your child as well.
I'm telling you from experience.. If you task wasn't to be a mom, do not marry this guy. If you were to get pregnant, he'll for sure leave and resent you. I went through the same situation, we weren't engaged. He told me he didn't want children. I did but I didn't think I could have them due to a medical condition. So I was ok with being with someone who didn't want kids. 3 years into our relationship, I found out I was pregnant. I had a huge dilemma. Keep my child because this could be my only opportunity, or abort because I knew in advance he didn't want children. My mom convinced me to keep and 12 years later, this man still hates my guts. Could care less if he had a relationship with his child. I say, don't do it. It can and will put a strain on your child as well.
I'm telling you from experience.. If you task wasn't to be a mom, do not marry this guy. If you were to get pregnant, he'll for sure leave and resent you. I went through the same situation, we weren't engaged. He told me he didn't want children. I did but I didn't think I could have them due to a medical condition. So I was ok with being with someone who didn't want kids. 3 years into our relationship, I found out I was pregnant. I had a huge dilemma. Keep my child because this could be my only opportunity, or abort because I knew in advance he didn't want children. My mom convinced me to keep and 12 years later, this man still hates my guts. Could care less if he had a relationship with his child. I say, don't do it. It can and will put a strain on your child as well.