Keep your plans, they are clearly important to you. If his parents choose not to be there, that is their choice. Hopefully they’ll change their mind in time or eventually.
Before making a decision on wedding plans, future hubby needs to have a serious convo (or multiple) with his parents about his observance, and his plans with the kids. It’s important that this comes from HIM and that your name is nowhere near this topic. After that, gauge their response and decide from there what the best course is for you. This isn’t your responsibility, it’s your fiancé’s because they’re HIS parents.
This!! He needs to man up and present himself to HIS parents as an ADULT who gets to make his OWN decisions about his life and relationships, inform his family about who he is and lay down the law on how you’ll be treated. If he doesn’t do that, I would seriously question if I was marrying a man or an overgrown boy. Not doing this will also lead to more problems when kids are in the picture and they try interfering with parenting and being in the delivery room when those kids are born. I’ve seen what happens when men don’t assert themselves with their parents and how those parents treat the wives and girlfriends like garbage. It’s practically a trope in the Southeastern US.
It would seem that the first place to start is with your fiance. He is 'completely secular' but hasn't told his parents. He also would prefer eloping than facing conflict. If he won't stand up to his parents over this, one of the most important decisions in your lives, he will forever be someone who will not face the truth and it could force a showdown at some point for his to chose between you and his family. I would start with a good heart to heart talk with him. Just my thoughts.
I view it as “is he a man who will put his wife first or is he a little boy who puts his parents first?” A man would never stand for anyone being awful to his wife or significant other no matter who they are. That’s going to be his wife, the mother of any future children and she deserves the respect and decency of a man, not a little boy who abandons her and their kids the minute his parents snap their fingers. This dynamic just leads to problems and it’s worse when kids come into the picture.
I may be a very fringe person stating this, but coming from someone who's been there, it's important. There's a verse in scripture about 2 people with different faiths. How will they live together? One will tug one way and the other will tug another. Will he let your kids go to church? What if one day he changes and says your kids can't read their bibles? What then? His family will always be around and believe me, it will be like the monster in laws. If your faith is important to you, I think it's important to ask these questions. You have my support as a sister in Christ, but I think it's important to tell the truth. No matter what happens, God will have you in the palm of His hand. ❤️
Keep your plans, they are clearly important to you. If his parents choose not to be there, that is their choice. Hopefully they’ll change their mind in time or eventually.
Before making a decision on wedding plans, future hubby needs to have a serious convo (or multiple) with his parents about his observance, and his plans with the kids. It’s important that this comes from HIM and that your name is nowhere near this topic. After that, gauge their response and decide from there what the best course is for you. This isn’t your responsibility, it’s your fiancé’s because they’re HIS parents.
This!! He needs to man up and present himself to HIS parents as an ADULT who gets to make his OWN decisions about his life and relationships, inform his family about who he is and lay down the law on how you’ll be treated. If he doesn’t do that, I would seriously question if I was marrying a man or an overgrown boy. Not doing this will also lead to more problems when kids are in the picture and they try interfering with parenting and being in the delivery room when those kids are born. I’ve seen what happens when men don’t assert themselves with their parents and how those parents treat the wives and girlfriends like garbage. It’s practically a trope in the Southeastern US.
In 2025, there is no good reason why you haven’t already met your future in-law’s.
You and your fiancé owe his parents a visit, before you do anything else.
You’re marrying their son.
They have a seat at the table.
Ideally, you would have met them when the two of you were thinking about getting engaged.
But that ship has sailed.
These kind of decisions are too important to not do in person, face to face.
It would seem that the first place to start is with your fiance. He is 'completely secular' but hasn't told his parents. He also would prefer eloping than facing conflict. If he won't stand up to his parents over this, one of the most important decisions in your lives, he will forever be someone who will not face the truth and it could force a showdown at some point for his to chose between you and his family. I would start with a good heart to heart talk with him. Just my thoughts.
I view it as “is he a man who will put his wife first or is he a little boy who puts his parents first?” A man would never stand for anyone being awful to his wife or significant other no matter who they are. That’s going to be his wife, the mother of any future children and she deserves the respect and decency of a man, not a little boy who abandons her and their kids the minute his parents snap their fingers. This dynamic just leads to problems and it’s worse when kids come into the picture.
I may be a very fringe person stating this, but coming from someone who's been there, it's important. There's a verse in scripture about 2 people with different faiths. How will they live together? One will tug one way and the other will tug another. Will he let your kids go to church? What if one day he changes and says your kids can't read their bibles? What then? His family will always be around and believe me, it will be like the monster in laws. If your faith is important to you, I think it's important to ask these questions. You have my support as a sister in Christ, but I think it's important to tell the truth. No matter what happens, God will have you in the palm of His hand. ❤️
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