My ex is getting married next week
1-800-Bridesmaid
📞 Hello? Hi. It’s me, Jen Glantz. Welcome to the 1-800-Bridesmaid, by Bridesmaid for Hire. A place where real stories are shared and your best advice is given.
This week: Shelby’s ex-boyfriend is getting married next week and she wants to text him. Why? We’ll she’s honest about that and you might not be happy about it.
Last week: A friend is pissed that she got a last-minute invite DM’ed to her on Instagram.
Hold please:
Dear 1-800-Bridesmaid,
Jake and I were together for three years, ending about 18 months ago. The breakup wasn't catastrophic, but it wasn't exactly amicable either. We wanted different things - he was ready to settle down, and I was focused on my career. We've had a few awkward run-ins at our local coffee shop since then, but nothing substantial.
I discovered the wedding news through a mix of Instagram stalking (I know, I know) and mutual friends. Seeing that engagement announcement hit me like a ton of bricks. I thought I was over him, but now I'm not so sure.
Part of me wants to reach out to congratulate him and maybe find some closure. Another part thinks I should just let sleeping dogs lie. And then there's this tiny, mischievous voice wondering if hearing from me might make him second-guess everything. I know that's terrible, but I can't help it!
I've drafted about a dozen messages on my phone. They range from a simple "Congratulations on your engagement! All the best to you both," to a novel-length email detailing every unresolved feeling I've had since our breakup. Don't worry, I haven't sent any of them... yet.
My questions for you are:
If I do reach out, what on earth should I say that won't make me sound desperate or bitter?
I'm worried that if I don't say anything, I'll regret it. But if I do, I might open a can of worms better left sealed. And to be honest, a part of me is hoping he might respond with something that suggests he still thinks about me too. I know that's probably not healthy.
-Shelby
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I can see your thought process but let’s be real… if you wanted to be his wife, you would have been. So work through whatever you are feeling and grow from it. Let him be happy.
This was literally me 2 weeks ago. My child’s father got married and it was just a rush of emotions. We were together for 4 years and I wanted us to be married more than anything. At the time, he just wasn’t ready. So to see him get married 3 years after our break up hurt me. So I called him and told him I didn’t want him to get married. He asked where all this was coming from and I just stayed silent. Then I said we should have gotten married. His response was “It’s too late. Do you know how much money has gone into this wedding? It’s too late” and literally 7 days before his wedding he literally called me crying, wouldn’t tell me what the issue was. So I just prayed for him over the phone and he cried even more then hung up. Him crying was before I told him I didn’t want him to get married. Anyways, I saw the wedding content and BAWLED MY EYES OUT. I’m good now tho. My time will come and until then I’m just gonna keep thriving