I can see your thought process but let’s be real… if you wanted to be his wife, you would have been. So work through whatever you are feeling and grow from it. Let him be happy.
This was literally me 2 weeks ago. My child’s father got married and it was just a rush of emotions. We were together for 4 years and I wanted us to be married more than anything. At the time, he just wasn’t ready. So to see him get married 3 years after our break up hurt me. So I called him and told him I didn’t want him to get married. He asked where all this was coming from and I just stayed silent. Then I said we should have gotten married. His response was “It’s too late. Do you know how much money has gone into this wedding? It’s too late” and literally 7 days before his wedding he literally called me crying, wouldn’t tell me what the issue was. So I just prayed for him over the phone and he cried even more then hung up. Him crying was before I told him I didn’t want him to get married. Anyways, I saw the wedding content and BAWLED MY EYES OUT. I’m good now tho. My time will come and until then I’m just gonna keep thriving
Ahh, steph. Thank you so so so much for sharing this. My heart goes out to you and I'm sorry you went through this. Literally an impossssssible situation. Your time will come and you are an amazing mom in endless ways. Sending you virtual hugs.
First, your conflict is very very completely NORMAL. Just to level the field here - - I am sure many MANY of us here completely understand and empathize.
The question of should you make contact is perhaps impossible to answer. As you already know, there are equally weighty arguments on both sides.
My first thought might be, 'when in doubt leave it out' ?
How much time do you have to consider this question?
How much are your emotions about a true connection with him as opposed to regretting what you might have had?
Do you still feel the same priorities as you did at the time that you chose not to marry him? Do you feel that the situation would be different now - - would his needs be different / yours / do you see a version where both your needs could be harmonious?
Or, more specifically, are you motivated right now by a deep abiding love for and connection with him?
If yes, then your heart would absolutely demand that you seriously think about telling him that those are your feelings now, and then leave it in his hands.
The reason to speak up in this emotional scenario would be that you cannot stand by without telling the truth of your heart, and then you must be prepared to accept whatever does or does not happen.
If your motivations and emotions are unclear, then perhaps you need to give thought first to that question? You may discover that the answer lies in your authenticity - - what you feel and are clear about could be your guide.
I wish you clarity and serenity - - and love - from wherever it flows.
I can see your thought process but let’s be real… if you wanted to be his wife, you would have been. So work through whatever you are feeling and grow from it. Let him be happy.
This was literally me 2 weeks ago. My child’s father got married and it was just a rush of emotions. We were together for 4 years and I wanted us to be married more than anything. At the time, he just wasn’t ready. So to see him get married 3 years after our break up hurt me. So I called him and told him I didn’t want him to get married. He asked where all this was coming from and I just stayed silent. Then I said we should have gotten married. His response was “It’s too late. Do you know how much money has gone into this wedding? It’s too late” and literally 7 days before his wedding he literally called me crying, wouldn’t tell me what the issue was. So I just prayed for him over the phone and he cried even more then hung up. Him crying was before I told him I didn’t want him to get married. Anyways, I saw the wedding content and BAWLED MY EYES OUT. I’m good now tho. My time will come and until then I’m just gonna keep thriving
Ahh, steph. Thank you so so so much for sharing this. My heart goes out to you and I'm sorry you went through this. Literally an impossssssible situation. Your time will come and you are an amazing mom in endless ways. Sending you virtual hugs.
Let it be, and move on. He wanted marriage and you didn't. Basically, he's not the one for you nor you for him. He found his mate , so let it go.
My PROFUSE apologies for my error in my previous comment - - you said that he getting married next week - - so no time left.... Apologies.
First, your conflict is very very completely NORMAL. Just to level the field here - - I am sure many MANY of us here completely understand and empathize.
The question of should you make contact is perhaps impossible to answer. As you already know, there are equally weighty arguments on both sides.
My first thought might be, 'when in doubt leave it out' ?
How much time do you have to consider this question?
How much are your emotions about a true connection with him as opposed to regretting what you might have had?
Do you still feel the same priorities as you did at the time that you chose not to marry him? Do you feel that the situation would be different now - - would his needs be different / yours / do you see a version where both your needs could be harmonious?
Or, more specifically, are you motivated right now by a deep abiding love for and connection with him?
If yes, then your heart would absolutely demand that you seriously think about telling him that those are your feelings now, and then leave it in his hands.
The reason to speak up in this emotional scenario would be that you cannot stand by without telling the truth of your heart, and then you must be prepared to accept whatever does or does not happen.
If your motivations and emotions are unclear, then perhaps you need to give thought first to that question? You may discover that the answer lies in your authenticity - - what you feel and are clear about could be your guide.
I wish you clarity and serenity - - and love - from wherever it flows.
- Eva