😲 My Ex Wants to Hire Me?
1-800-Bridesmaid
📞 Hello? Hi. It’s me, Jen Glantz. Welcome to the 1-800-Bridesmaid, by Bridesmaid for Hire. A place where real stories are shared and your best advice is given.
This week: Her ex wants to hire her to photograph his wedding. The guy’s fiance doesn’t know they dated. Should she say yes or turn down gooood $$$?
Last week: A bride is annoyed that her fiance wants to invite his ex to their wedding. Here’s what you told her to do.
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Dear 1-800-Bridesmaid,
My ex-boyfriend of three years recently reached out to ask if I would photograph his upcoming wedding. Here's the thing – his fiancée has no idea about our history.
I'm a professional wedding photographer, and he knows my work well since we were together when I was building my business. We dated seriously — went on family vacations together, and were even talking about marriage at one point. Things didn't work out, but we ended things amicably, and I've since happily remarried.
When they were picking wedding vendors, he suggested to his fiance that he knows a wedding photographer (AKA me). We did a wedding consult, which was the first time I ever met her. He acted like we were friends from the past. She liked my work and wants to book me.
Part of me thinks I should just be professional about it – after all, it was years ago, we're both moved on, and that's a significant amount of money for my business. I have no feelings for him whatsoever, and my husband knows about the inquiry and says he'll support whatever I decide.
But I keep thinking about how I would feel if I found out my wedding photographer was my husband's serious ex-girlfriend. The thought of spending 8+ hours capturing intimate moments, family photos, and being a central part of their day while carrying this secret makes me uncomfortable. Plus, what if his or my family members say something? Many of them knew us as a couple. We vacationed together!
Should I take the job and the money, keeping things strictly professional? Or should I turn it down on ethical grounds? And if I do turn it down, what reason should I give?
Please help!
-J.
Okay, let’s help J. What should she do?
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Dear J,
I think I would feel as you do. There seems to be some slight deception in play - your ex did not tell his fiancé that you and he had been a couple previously. He just acted as if you were old friends. I would be very uncomfortable with that.
I adhere to trusting the inner voice. Your inner voice is making noise about this. Ignoring it will only increase your stress.
If you tried to stuff it and did the job without talking with the bride, it would be eating at you all day, cause tension for you, and could distract you from being completely relaxed and focused to do your best work capturing precious memories for them.
How about first having a convo with your ex, tell him your feelings, tell him that you would like to 'come clean' with his fiancé, and then coordinate how you do that? Perhaps he may need to speak with her first privately.
Then, assuming all is well, on wedding day, you can be completely in your creative zone and just focus on doing your best most beautiful work with no churning stomache!
Warm Regards,
Eva
Charge him double and get all her best angles. Simple . He makes you feel weird by asking, his pockets pay