You were wronged and it hurt you very deeply. You were treated in one way despite what you did or have done for her and that was one of the most special moments of your life; of course you’re justified in feeling the way you do. Im sorry that happened that is awful :( As for my advice, in a perfect world she would come running to you, hat in hand, with this massive apology, but you don’t have to depend on that! you have to realize that you have the power to change things too. First you need to set your self free by forgiving her in your heart. Release it to God be real and raw with him something like this... “Jesus help me to forgive her. You know the pain I feel from this and my struggle to let it go, I surrender this situation to you. I pray for her lord that you will pursue her and soften her heart but even if she doesn’t come apologize lord I forgive her as you have forgiven us and I release it to you right now I put her, this situation I’ve been holding onto for a year, and all my pain and give it to you. Take this burden from me and fill me with your peace and love and strength.
Forgive her in your heart between you and God. This may take one prayer this may take weeks months. But do this untill you don’t feel any instant pain when her or the wedding is brought up. You’ll know when you have truly forgiven her.
Then you can do nothing from there just let it go OR you can go to her and have a calm heart to heart convo and you can be honest about how it did truly hurt you but you have forgiven her And that you want to be close with her.
Acknowledging and validating your feelings first. Obviously, she meant a lot to you, and she completely dishonoured that.
Has she been in contact with you since the wedding? If yes, I assume from your post that she has not apologized or acknowledged what happened?
It sounds like you have not had a conversation with her about it?
If you have not had a serious talk with her, perhaps it makes sense for you to write down every thing that you feel - - EVERYTHING without editing yourself, just write all of it down, look at it, and ask yourself if you need to say all of those things to her.
Do you need her to hear you say everything? Do you need to speak up for yourself?
Are you prepared to say your piece and walk away if she doesn't step up, accept accountability and work to repair your friendship?
Do you WANT that friendship any longer? Are there other redeeming qualities about her to make you want to continue a friendship?
You did for her that she never did for you. That makes you a better person hands down. Honestly though OP? I’m to the point nowadays where I don’t look for apologies from people because first and foremost my expectations for people ain’t that high, just being honest. But secondly she made that choice to get black out drunk during one of the most important days of your life. Yes, she made a mistake but a hurtful one. I would have a conversation with her and say look that wasn’t cool and I felt betrayed. In this case, not only did she disappoint you, she failed your expectations. As Oprah put it, having high expectations of others can put us in misery. Expecting others to do what you would do in a situation only leads to your disappointment. Not theirs, they are going on with their life. Let people be who they are, and you either accept it or you don’t. OP, there were times when I was let down by people in my life as well. What helped? I've changed my expectations of people, boundaries and expectations of people, whatnot some time ago. I've had a complete 360 mindset shift. Now that point is out the way. Put it all on the table for her, she probably isn't thinking about it like you're thinking about it (after all she was blackout drunk she won't remember what she did or didn't do). But I wouldn't look for a massive apology from her (even though you deserve it, really you do). It’s up to you if you want to keep her in your life or not.
You were wronged and it hurt you very deeply. You were treated in one way despite what you did or have done for her and that was one of the most special moments of your life; of course you’re justified in feeling the way you do. Im sorry that happened that is awful :( As for my advice, in a perfect world she would come running to you, hat in hand, with this massive apology, but you don’t have to depend on that! you have to realize that you have the power to change things too. First you need to set your self free by forgiving her in your heart. Release it to God be real and raw with him something like this... “Jesus help me to forgive her. You know the pain I feel from this and my struggle to let it go, I surrender this situation to you. I pray for her lord that you will pursue her and soften her heart but even if she doesn’t come apologize lord I forgive her as you have forgiven us and I release it to you right now I put her, this situation I’ve been holding onto for a year, and all my pain and give it to you. Take this burden from me and fill me with your peace and love and strength.
Forgive her in your heart between you and God. This may take one prayer this may take weeks months. But do this untill you don’t feel any instant pain when her or the wedding is brought up. You’ll know when you have truly forgiven her.
Then you can do nothing from there just let it go OR you can go to her and have a calm heart to heart convo and you can be honest about how it did truly hurt you but you have forgiven her And that you want to be close with her.
Acknowledging and validating your feelings first. Obviously, she meant a lot to you, and she completely dishonoured that.
Has she been in contact with you since the wedding? If yes, I assume from your post that she has not apologized or acknowledged what happened?
It sounds like you have not had a conversation with her about it?
If you have not had a serious talk with her, perhaps it makes sense for you to write down every thing that you feel - - EVERYTHING without editing yourself, just write all of it down, look at it, and ask yourself if you need to say all of those things to her.
Do you need her to hear you say everything? Do you need to speak up for yourself?
Are you prepared to say your piece and walk away if she doesn't step up, accept accountability and work to repair your friendship?
Do you WANT that friendship any longer? Are there other redeeming qualities about her to make you want to continue a friendship?
I wish you peace, clarity, and closure.
- Eva
You did for her that she never did for you. That makes you a better person hands down. Honestly though OP? I’m to the point nowadays where I don’t look for apologies from people because first and foremost my expectations for people ain’t that high, just being honest. But secondly she made that choice to get black out drunk during one of the most important days of your life. Yes, she made a mistake but a hurtful one. I would have a conversation with her and say look that wasn’t cool and I felt betrayed. In this case, not only did she disappoint you, she failed your expectations. As Oprah put it, having high expectations of others can put us in misery. Expecting others to do what you would do in a situation only leads to your disappointment. Not theirs, they are going on with their life. Let people be who they are, and you either accept it or you don’t. OP, there were times when I was let down by people in my life as well. What helped? I've changed my expectations of people, boundaries and expectations of people, whatnot some time ago. I've had a complete 360 mindset shift. Now that point is out the way. Put it all on the table for her, she probably isn't thinking about it like you're thinking about it (after all she was blackout drunk she won't remember what she did or didn't do). But I wouldn't look for a massive apology from her (even though you deserve it, really you do). It’s up to you if you want to keep her in your life or not.