She missed my wedding.
1-800-Bridesmaid
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This week: A bride is still mad at her bridesmaid for getting too drunk and missing her actual wedding.
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Dear 1-800-Bridesmaid,
It's been a year since my wedding, and I'm still fuming about what happened with one of my bridesmaids. She completely let me down.
This girl had the audacity to get absolutely black out drunk during the cocktail hour. She was so wasted that she started making a scene at the reception and even before the salads were served, another bridesmaid had to take her back to the hotel.
What's worse is that I flew all the way to Mexico for her wedding and literally did so much for her when she got married.
The fact that she missed out on all the important stuff - the dancing, the toasts, the cake cutting - it just kills me. I wanted to share those memories with her, but instead, I'm left with the memory of her leaving early.
I've tried to let it go, but I can't help feeling betrayed and disappointed. Am I overreacting by still being upset about this a year later? Or am I justified in feeling like she owes me a massive apology or something?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
Let’s help her out.
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You were wronged and it hurt you very deeply. You were treated in one way despite what you did or have done for her and that was one of the most special moments of your life; of course you’re justified in feeling the way you do. Im sorry that happened that is awful :( As for my advice, in a perfect world she would come running to you, hat in hand, with this massive apology, but you don’t have to depend on that! you have to realize that you have the power to change things too. First you need to set your self free by forgiving her in your heart. Release it to God be real and raw with him something like this... “Jesus help me to forgive her. You know the pain I feel from this and my struggle to let it go, I surrender this situation to you. I pray for her lord that you will pursue her and soften her heart but even if she doesn’t come apologize lord I forgive her as you have forgiven us and I release it to you right now I put her, this situation I’ve been holding onto for a year, and all my pain and give it to you. Take this burden from me and fill me with your peace and love and strength.
Forgive her in your heart between you and God. This may take one prayer this may take weeks months. But do this untill you don’t feel any instant pain when her or the wedding is brought up. You’ll know when you have truly forgiven her.
Then you can do nothing from there just let it go OR you can go to her and have a calm heart to heart convo and you can be honest about how it did truly hurt you but you have forgiven her And that you want to be close with her.
Acknowledging and validating your feelings first. Obviously, she meant a lot to you, and she completely dishonoured that.
Has she been in contact with you since the wedding? If yes, I assume from your post that she has not apologized or acknowledged what happened?
It sounds like you have not had a conversation with her about it?
If you have not had a serious talk with her, perhaps it makes sense for you to write down every thing that you feel - - EVERYTHING without editing yourself, just write all of it down, look at it, and ask yourself if you need to say all of those things to her.
Do you need her to hear you say everything? Do you need to speak up for yourself?
Are you prepared to say your piece and walk away if she doesn't step up, accept accountability and work to repair your friendship?
Do you WANT that friendship any longer? Are there other redeeming qualities about her to make you want to continue a friendship?
I wish you peace, clarity, and closure.
- Eva