I totally understand why you feel the way you do. As women, weight is a sensitive topic and when someone says something, it plants a seed in our head. But the part of your message that stood out the most was: āI just needed him to reassure me that I don't have to lose weight to be beautiful.ā - - - You donāt want to be the woman who needs a guy to āreassureā her of her beauty. YOU need to see that for YOURSELF and believe it, first and foremost. Sure, we all want compliments butā¦
Most guys would just say what you want to hear and lie because they get called the devil if they speak the truth and encourage their gf or wife to lose weight.
Obviously he thinks youāre beautiful - but truth is, thereās few people in the world who wouldnāt feel and look even better by losing a few pounds. Itās just reality.
Be grateful you donāt have a guy who lies if youāre literally marrying him. Iād much rather have a guy who works out with me and encourages us to both be the best we can be than a guy who is lazy. Motivating each other is great!
I know you said youāre a āhealthyā weight but if they are both saying this, maybe youāre not as healthy as you think? We often donāt see it until we look back and then we realize it was true. I was there before! And now Iām all about - yes - letās not sugarcoat it. And I feel a million times better just dropping ten pounds! Itās amazing what a difference even 5 pounds can make.
Instead of looking at all this as the worst thing in the world, use it as a way to learn to not take things so personally. You can never lose out by taking ultimate care of yourself. Period!
Thereās people who are 250 pounds and still considered beautiful, but are they healthy and do they logically love themselves? No. And would they benefit from someone telling them theyāre perfect the way they are, yet that same person obviously knows this person needs to lose weight? No. Thatās not friends. Thatās enablers and people who donāt want others to look better than they do lol.
And all you may technically need to lose is a few? Piece of cake! And if you donāt want to lose any, thatās totally your choice too. But then be confident in that and speak up for yourself if something bothers you.
And if your fiance doesnāt say anything to you if you ask him something, keep speaking until you have resolution or you will continue to have communication issues throughout this relationship and thatās not a great way to start a marriage. But that comes with being willing to accept him telling you how he truly feels. It sounds like you want a guy who will always just tell you what you want to hear.
Appreciate the REAL people in your lifeā¦ we always want the ātruthā until it comes to weight. Thatās not a good thing.
Honestly...if your MIL has always been kind before, it's possible her comment wasn't intended to cause harm. Not saying it was okay! I totally understand the hurt behind that and the struggle with body image. That being said, there has been a stigma for quite some time around brides intentionally losing weight before their wedding. Perhaps your MIL made an incorrect assumption here? I would totally clear the air if you're close-- hopefully it was a misunderstanding!
I feel like this might be taken a bit personally tbh. Your MIL probably assumed you were intentionally trying to lose weight for the wedding and just made a comment. I donāt think she meant that you need to lose weight. But, even if she did mean that, itās up to you to not let comments like these get under your skin so much. You canāt control her words or actions, but you can control your reaction instead and not let her bring you down
I totally understand why you feel the way you do. As women, weight is a sensitive topic and when someone says something, it plants a seed in our head. But the part of your message that stood out the most was: āI just needed him to reassure me that I don't have to lose weight to be beautiful.ā - - - You donāt want to be the woman who needs a guy to āreassureā her of her beauty. YOU need to see that for YOURSELF and believe it, first and foremost. Sure, we all want compliments butā¦
Most guys would just say what you want to hear and lie because they get called the devil if they speak the truth and encourage their gf or wife to lose weight.
Obviously he thinks youāre beautiful - but truth is, thereās few people in the world who wouldnāt feel and look even better by losing a few pounds. Itās just reality.
Be grateful you donāt have a guy who lies if youāre literally marrying him. Iād much rather have a guy who works out with me and encourages us to both be the best we can be than a guy who is lazy. Motivating each other is great!
I know you said youāre a āhealthyā weight but if they are both saying this, maybe youāre not as healthy as you think? We often donāt see it until we look back and then we realize it was true. I was there before! And now Iām all about - yes - letās not sugarcoat it. And I feel a million times better just dropping ten pounds! Itās amazing what a difference even 5 pounds can make.
Instead of looking at all this as the worst thing in the world, use it as a way to learn to not take things so personally. You can never lose out by taking ultimate care of yourself. Period!
This isnāt about your future MIL not being ākindā - itās about having someone who doesnāt comfort you with lies like the majority of the population. And again, no one is saying this is about you not being beautiful. But it sounds like she said that based on knowing the two of you were WORKING OUT and that usually means people want to LOSE WEIGHT & IMPROVE. People donāt workout to stay stagnant. And Iāve never heard of a bride who didnāt mention losing a few before her wedding so itās a very common thought for someone to haveā¦ it doesnāt mean you needed to mention it. And for example - if I have a gym routine with my fiancĆ©ā¦ if Iām not losing or toning up, why would I even be going to the gym? To waste time? Lol. I hope you can see the common sense side of all this cause it helps take out the sting.
Thereās people who are 250 pounds and still considered beautiful, but are they healthy and do they logically love themselves? No. And would they benefit from someone telling them theyāre perfect the way they are, yet that same person obviously knows this person needs to lose weight? No. Thatās not friends. Thatās enablers and people who donāt want others to look better than they do lol.
And all you may technically need to lose is a few? Piece of cake! And if you donāt want to lose any, thatās totally your choice too. But then be confident in that and speak up for yourself if something bothers you.
And if your fiance doesnāt say anything to you if you ask him something, keep speaking until you have resolution or you will continue to have communication issues throughout this relationship and thatās not a great way to start a marriage. But that comes with being willing to accept him telling you how he truly feels. It sounds like you want a guy who will always just tell you what you want to hear.
Appreciate the REAL people in your lifeā¦ we always want the ātruthā until it comes to weight. Thatās not a good thing.
Honestly...if your MIL has always been kind before, it's possible her comment wasn't intended to cause harm. Not saying it was okay! I totally understand the hurt behind that and the struggle with body image. That being said, there has been a stigma for quite some time around brides intentionally losing weight before their wedding. Perhaps your MIL made an incorrect assumption here? I would totally clear the air if you're close-- hopefully it was a misunderstanding!
I feel like this might be taken a bit personally tbh. Your MIL probably assumed you were intentionally trying to lose weight for the wedding and just made a comment. I donāt think she meant that you need to lose weight. But, even if she did mean that, itās up to you to not let comments like these get under your skin so much. You canāt control her words or actions, but you can control your reaction instead and not let her bring you down