👩 They are Trying to Sabotage Me.
1-800-Bridesmaid
📞 Hello? Hi. It’s me, Jen Glantz. Welcome to the 1-800-Bridesmaid, by Bridesmaid for Hire. A place where real stories are shared and your best advice is given.
This week: Clara is struggling to hang in a bridal party that constantly makes her feel left out and is just straight up mean to her. She has no idea how she’ll handle this crew until May 2025.
Last week: A bridesmaid got kicked out of the wedding for her questionable dress. Here’s the advice you gave her.
Hold please:
Dear 1-800-Bridesmaid,
I'm in a situation that's making me feel like I've been transported back to middle school, and not in a good way. I'm a bridesmaid in my friend's upcoming wedding, and there are five other girls in the bridal party. They all know each other well, but I'm the outsider who doesn't know any of them. Unfortunately, they're making this experience miserable for me.
These girls are being incredibly mean to me. Here are some examples of what I've been dealing with:
They created a group chat for planning the bachelorette party but "forgot" to add me. When I found out and asked about it, they added me but then ignored my suggestions and planned everything without my input.
We all went shopping with the bride for our bridesmaid dresses. When I tried on a few that I liked, they sat there laughing at me and texting each other on their phones about me. I felt like shit.
At the bridal shower, they assigned me to be in charge of games but didn't tell me until 10 minutes before we were supposed to start. When I scrambled to put something together, they complained to the bride about how "disorganized" I was.
They constantly make inside jokes and references I don't understand, and when I ask what they're talking about, they roll their eyes and say, "Never mind, you had to be there."
I've wracked my brain trying to figure out if I've done something wrong, but I honestly can't think of anything. It seems like they're just being cruel because I'm not part of their clique. I'm hurt, frustrated, and feeling isolated in what should be a joyful experience.
How do I handle this situation? I want to be there for the bride and be a part of the bridal party. I DO NOT want to bring drama to the table. I don’t even want the bride to know what’s going on but IDK how much more of this I can handle. The wedding is in May of 2025 — that’s a long time to be treated this way by a group of meal girls.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
-Clara
What should she say to them?
💗 A Few Things I’m Loving:
These shoes. Still. I wear them ever day and feel like they elevate any outfit.
Got these long sleeves in a few colors. They are 50% less than the same ones at Lululemon or Alo.
A bit of a splurge but I plan to wear this every day stacked with other necklaces.
Great little party gift to keep handy for a girl’s night, bachelorette party, or just get together. I hand these out as if they are mints at the end of the night.
A great last-minute gift to pick up for someone that’s under $20.
In love with the color and style of this dress and think it’s a good staple addition to the wardrobe.
What’s new with Bridesmaid for Hire:
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You might actually not be able to fix this, because the culture has been this way for years.
Sounds like the biggest challenge you’re facing is: you don’t feel respected or valued.
Be ready to leave the group.
The bride brought y’all together. So first, have a conversation with her and let her know about your experiences so far. And that you don’t feel valued or respected.
Listen to what she has so stay. But she might not be able to fix it, even if she wants to.
Next:
1. Decide on how you can be helpful to the bride without being in this group (e.g. getting her a gift, paying for something, being at the wedding, and so on)
2. The next time you feel disrespected or not valued, let the bride know you’ll be leaving the group, leave a note in the group chat (no name calling, no outbursts), just clearly state that you’re leaving and give your reason (the disrespect). Give a clear example of the disrespect, if you can.
3. Then leave - no hard feelings, you can still help the bride in other ways, and you get to enjoy your peace and calm again.
If the bride doesn't fix it tell them to stop being bitches and grow up