You might actually not be able to fix this, because the culture has been this way for years.
Sounds like the biggest challenge you’re facing is: you don’t feel respected or valued.
Be ready to leave the group.
The bride brought y’all together. So first, have a conversation with her and let her know about your experiences so far. And that you don’t feel valued or respected.
Listen to what she has so stay. But she might not be able to fix it, even if she wants to.
Next:
1. Decide on how you can be helpful to the bride without being in this group (e.g. getting her a gift, paying for something, being at the wedding, and so on)
2. The next time you feel disrespected or not valued, let the bride know you’ll be leaving the group, leave a note in the group chat (no name calling, no outbursts), just clearly state that you’re leaving and give your reason (the disrespect). Give a clear example of the disrespect, if you can.
3. Then leave - no hard feelings, you can still help the bride in other ways, and you get to enjoy your peace and calm again.
As others have commented, the bride brought you together. I realize that there is a desire to be "fair" - - and that is noble.
It isn't fair for the person who is the reason for this circumstance to not be accountable.
No, the bride isn't making these horrid individuals act this way, but she did invite them, and you would not be there at all if it were not for her.
SO, given THAT, the bride is the person who is responsible for managing this situation that would not exist without her. I grant that finer points could be argued on this, but let us leave those aside for the moment.
To me, the bottom line is, what sort of friend to you is the bride? Does she condone abuse of one of her friends by her other "friends"???
If I were in the situation I would;
1 - be ready to walk away if the behaviour is not immediately reversed
2 - have a private thoughtful conversation with the bride first about it, I would tell the bride that I will step away if this is not addressed immediately.
From that private conversation I would need the bride to immediately come to my defense, apologize for their awful behaviour and the pain that it has caused, call a general meeting with everyone, and make it clear that if these other people cannot immediately change their behaviour, there will be changes in the group.
If the behaviour change does not occur, and if the bride didn't stand by me, I would be ready to leave and I would question my friendship with the bride - - this is why;
If the bride keeps "friends" who act like this, what sort of person is she???
ESPECIALLY in a situation as major as getting married.
I could never respect a person who kept friends who abuse their other friends.
If the behaviour doesn't change, I would tell the bride and the entire group that I am stepping away as the behaviour is entirely unacceptable.
I would tell the bride that I don't see how I could maintain a friendship with her when she has condoned abusive conduct.
At that point, the bride could potentially change her direction and step up to be a real friend to me, or let me go - - and if she let me go at that point - - well then I would know exactly where she stands and just how much of a friend she is/has been to me.
You deserve to be loved and respected, and you deserve to never have to endure abuse.
Personally I would let the bride know first and see what she would like to do. If she can’t fix it or if she doesn’t really want to be bothered to then talk to the group. Let them know that you understand you aren’t in their “clique” but you are the brides friend and she chose you as a bridesmaid for her. This wedding isn’t about them and they shouldn’t ruin her events over childish games. (But maybe a little nicer)
You might actually not be able to fix this, because the culture has been this way for years.
Sounds like the biggest challenge you’re facing is: you don’t feel respected or valued.
Be ready to leave the group.
The bride brought y’all together. So first, have a conversation with her and let her know about your experiences so far. And that you don’t feel valued or respected.
Listen to what she has so stay. But she might not be able to fix it, even if she wants to.
Next:
1. Decide on how you can be helpful to the bride without being in this group (e.g. getting her a gift, paying for something, being at the wedding, and so on)
2. The next time you feel disrespected or not valued, let the bride know you’ll be leaving the group, leave a note in the group chat (no name calling, no outbursts), just clearly state that you’re leaving and give your reason (the disrespect). Give a clear example of the disrespect, if you can.
3. Then leave - no hard feelings, you can still help the bride in other ways, and you get to enjoy your peace and calm again.
If the bride doesn't fix it tell them to stop being bitches and grow up
As others have commented, the bride brought you together. I realize that there is a desire to be "fair" - - and that is noble.
It isn't fair for the person who is the reason for this circumstance to not be accountable.
No, the bride isn't making these horrid individuals act this way, but she did invite them, and you would not be there at all if it were not for her.
SO, given THAT, the bride is the person who is responsible for managing this situation that would not exist without her. I grant that finer points could be argued on this, but let us leave those aside for the moment.
To me, the bottom line is, what sort of friend to you is the bride? Does she condone abuse of one of her friends by her other "friends"???
If I were in the situation I would;
1 - be ready to walk away if the behaviour is not immediately reversed
2 - have a private thoughtful conversation with the bride first about it, I would tell the bride that I will step away if this is not addressed immediately.
From that private conversation I would need the bride to immediately come to my defense, apologize for their awful behaviour and the pain that it has caused, call a general meeting with everyone, and make it clear that if these other people cannot immediately change their behaviour, there will be changes in the group.
If the behaviour change does not occur, and if the bride didn't stand by me, I would be ready to leave and I would question my friendship with the bride - - this is why;
If the bride keeps "friends" who act like this, what sort of person is she???
ESPECIALLY in a situation as major as getting married.
I could never respect a person who kept friends who abuse their other friends.
If the behaviour doesn't change, I would tell the bride and the entire group that I am stepping away as the behaviour is entirely unacceptable.
I would tell the bride that I don't see how I could maintain a friendship with her when she has condoned abusive conduct.
At that point, the bride could potentially change her direction and step up to be a real friend to me, or let me go - - and if she let me go at that point - - well then I would know exactly where she stands and just how much of a friend she is/has been to me.
You deserve to be loved and respected, and you deserve to never have to endure abuse.
Personally I would let the bride know first and see what she would like to do. If she can’t fix it or if she doesn’t really want to be bothered to then talk to the group. Let them know that you understand you aren’t in their “clique” but you are the brides friend and she chose you as a bridesmaid for her. This wedding isn’t about them and they shouldn’t ruin her events over childish games. (But maybe a little nicer)