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This week: A newly engaged bride is struggling with what to do about her sister.
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Dear 1-800-Bridesmaid,
I've been engaged for about a week (which is practically no time at all), but it has already introduced a myriad of problems into my wedding planning. I still live with my parents and will finish college this May. The biggest issue I'm facing concerns my older sister wanting to be my Maid of Honor.
Throughout our lives, we've talked about being each other's Maid of Honor, but now that the moment has arrived, I don't really want her in this role. It sounds terrible, I know. When I started dating my fiancé, I felt my relationship with my sister become strained and distant. She seemed jealous, and we can no longer communicate the way we used to. She even criticized and made fun of my fiancé while we were dating, which made me extremely uncomfortable and upset.
I've mentioned to my fiancé before our engagement that I no longer want her to be my Maid of Honor, as she was never supportive during any stage of our relationship. My fiancé consistently tried to include her in events and welcome her in social settings, but she always remained distant toward him.
Now that I'm engaged, the reality of telling my sister I don't want her as my Maid of Honor has become immediate. One solution my fiancé and I have discussed is to forgo having a Maid of Honor/Best Man completely and just have regular bridesmaids and groomsmen.
My fear is that if I do this, she'll never forgive me, and our relationship will become even more strained. (For context, we still share a bedroom.) I wish I did have a Maid of Honor who could genuinely support me on my special day. I used to envision my sister in that role, but not anymore.
I don't know if I should just accept the situation and make her my Maid of Honor (even though I don't want to) to avoid problems and the possibility of her never speaking to me again. Or should I be honest with her and deal with the consequences? Perhaps I should implement the solution my fiancé and I discussed. Please help!
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You've probably already done this, but maybe sit down with her and have a conversation about everything. Express your feelings and how you've felt, that she has not treated your relationship or your fiancé with the best reactions/respect. To me it sounds like you're sister is feeling left out or maybe as though she is losing you. In these times some people don't know how to regulate their emotions and feel out of control. Leaving them reacting in an ugly way instead of just expressing how they really feel. On top of that sometimes people can't put into words how they really feel. I would say you only have one sister and this is a moment that is once in a life time. Have the hard and truthful conversation with her and if it doesn't go well then that is your answer. On the contrary maybe there will be some break throughs and you guy can get through this and all will be great! Good-luck!
Don't forget sisters are there for life. Looks like you've had a little rift in the not so distant past but try not let it create anything bigger to separate you further. You can explain she hurt your feelings when she chose to belittle the man you love, but you would like her to know she's still very important to you - whether or not you have her as moh. ....Just trying to help you overlook the daily drama and focus on the big picture as you prepare to leave your personal family unit behind and make a unit of your choosing.....