She Hung Up the Phone on Me
1-800-Bridesmaid
📞 Hello? Hi. It’s me, Jen Glantz. Welcome to the Bridesmaid for Hire Hotline. A place where real stories are shared and your best advice is given.
This week: I’m sharing a story about something that’s never happened before and it involves a bride calling into the hotline, sharing her story, and then hanging up before I could even give her advice. I can’t figure out why. Read on for the full story.
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📱Caller #15 hung up on me. I have no idea why.
I called her at exactly 11:30am. She only let it ring twice. On the line was caller #15.
When she picked up, she was silent. She didn’t say hello so after a few seconds I exhaled noise.
Hi, It’s me, Jen Glantz.
Thanks for calling, she replied.
I could tell that she was intentionally whispering, but not to stay quiet, just to stay as anonymous as possible.
She didn’t want me to know about her more than she wished to share.
I started the Bridesmaid for Hire hotline a few months ago to help anyone: from those getting married to those in the bridal party and even just people with friendship, relationship, or life problems.
Usually people write me or they leave me a voicemail.
I answer some of their situations on my own and pull some to share with you inside of this newsletter.
But caller #15 was different from the rest.
She left me a voicemail asking if I could call her directly. She explained that she’s more well-known than most and didn’t trust that the people in her life would keep her secret a secret.
Her secret, she said briefly, was that she knew her fiancé was cheating on her, but she planned to marry him anyway.
I simply said: I’m here to listen.
After a few false starts, she spoke her first sentence.
Am I wrong to marry someone who isn’t as committed as I am?
Does it feel wrong to you? I asked.
Yeah. But backing out might be even worse.
How so?
Because at least I know who I’m marrying. Yeah, he’s a cheater and a liar but at least I know that.
Are there benefits of knowing something like that about a person?
Yeah, you know how they will hurt you because they already are doing that.
And what would like be like if you knew that and walked away?
Caller #15 thought about that question for a couple of seconds. When you’re not the one in the messy relationship, leaving seems like the easiest thing in the world to do. When you’re the one in it, it feels impossible.
I’d have to start over. I’m 38 and I’d have to start all over again and what if all over again just leads me back to a guy like the one I already have.
What if it doesn’t?
Yeah, what if it leads me to no one? I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to be single.
I understand that. I really do.
We both stopped for a bit. We sat on the phone together without exchanging words. She could hear the honks outside my window. I listened to her refrigerator buzz.
A few minutes later, she came back, with words [A note from Jen: I didn’t record the call but here’s the transcription of what was said to the best of my memory]
What sucks the most is that nobody knows. Everyone thinks we’re such a happy couple. I literally roll my eyes when people comment on social media that we’re couple goals. I want to scream: yeah, if by goals you mean he secretly cheats on me and thinks I have no idea. But I just stay silent and reply with a heart emoji. Even my own best friends have no idea. They constantly tell me how happy they are that I found such a good guy and how it’s hard to find someone as good as him. They think he’s great because he has a good job and makes a lot of money. Everyone just judges people based on what they see on the outside or what their resume looks like. I just walk around with this dark secret and the one time I tried to tell my friend she said I was delusional and just creating drama in my life because it was perfect and I like to have some chaos. I literally have proof that he cheated but my friend didn’t even want to hear it. It’s like she was defending him or just trying to tell me to suppress the truth and marry the guy anyway. My finance doesn’t know that I know any of this, but I do. One of the girls he cheated on me with contacted me when she saw we got engaged. She shared photos and texts, emails and gifts he had bought her. I went on his computer later that day and saw more and more more and more from so many other girls. I should have walked away that day and broken up with him. Any sane person would have. But no, not me. He came home an hour after I found all the stuff and I pretended like it was all a dream that I made up in my head. He went to sleep that night and I stared at the ceiling until 5am. A few weeks later, he told me his best friend broke up with his girlfriend because she caught him cheating. I thought he was going to confess or use that moment to come to terms with his own infidelity and stop. But instead, he said that he was excited for his friend because the girl was trash and he could do better. The problem is, I found out he was cheating four months before the wedding. That kind of news isn’t easy or quick to process. Every day that passes is another day that I grow to despise him. But yet, marrying him feels easier than calling it off and going back to being single. If I do that, he’ll probably laugh in my face, call me trash, and claim he can find better. Maybe he can but for some reason, I’m worried that I never will. I’m worried that if I call this off, I will lose more than just my fiance. I’m worried my friends will roll their eyes at me and my family will be so disappointed. I’m worried that i’ll just rot in my apartment and turn 40 all alone. I know you’re going to say risk it and leave him. I know anyone with a brain would. I know that the right thing to do is walk away from this mess. I know that I deserve better. I know but at the same time I just don’t know if I can.
The very same moment she put the final period on story, I looked down at my phone. The call had ended.
No, no, no. I panicked. Did my phone do this? Did I lose service? Did she press the wrong button?
I called back but it went straight to voicemail. I called again an hour later, a day later, even yesterday, and still, it went to voicemail.
My guess is that she wanted that to happen. My guess is that she wanted to share her truth without hearing a response from anyone on the other end of the line. My guess is that after she shared everything, she was able to clear space in her head to figure out what to do next. My hope is that she walked away, ended the engagement, and started a new life without him. But I don’t know.
I don’t think I will ever know.
I just know that every single time I swore leaving something bad would leave me in a worse off, I was wrong.
At first, it felt awful to start again, to be alone.
But when the days passed and the years stacked up, it was clear how much I never wanted to crawl back into my old life, especially when there was so much wrong with the person I was living it with.
I hope she finds the strength to find better and if she’s reading this, Hello, I hope you know that we are all here for you, silently, and secretly, supporting you, and believing that your new life, without him, will be better, so much better.
💗 A Few Things I’m Loving:
A fun purse for spring and summer that’s under $100
Obsessing over this dress brand because the styles are great for weddings but can also be worn for more causal outings and the dresses are under $150:
A gold pair of shoes for spring and summer
These ballet flats are making a comeback
I’ve been seeing this sunscreen everywhere
A fun way to style your hair for under $20
Update: Tiny Little Drama Everywhere
Last week we had Monica, a 2024 bride, sharing that something is off between her and her bridesmaids. The comment section was 🔥 with tips and advice for her. Read it all here.
Ps. Want to call the hotline? Here’s how you can share what you’re going through so we can help.
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I pray she finds peace in this time . I Am thirty eight years old and never been married, And it made a decision if I'm not married by my 40th birthday I am thowing the whole Idea in the trash. Every day i'm Am congratulated by friends for making the decision to stay single rather than be in a Being in a bad relationship. I just know that the longer she stays with the wrong man. She's slowing down the process to find the right man. I hope she reads this because it is true. I've seen a lot of women get out of bad situations and turn around and be engaged the married with six months of that bad situation. I never had that opportunity, and i've been single for about six years. I had that thought that process too that if I get out of this relationship that I knew was bad. I would never find anybody and that I was gonna be single for a long time. My single season has lasted longer than I wanted to, however it is for good reason. Everything happens for our better good. I hope she reads this marriage is not about sharing cute social media pics and going trips. It's not all about having someone there just to say you have someone. Is that person going to be there when you sick in the hospital, contribute to raising the kids, household expenses, etc. A person who is cheating on like this has already showed he is not loyal or faithful which means more likely all of thus will ve handled alone and that is not a marriage.